No Time To Die | A Hunger Games FanFiction

𝖥𝗂𝖿𝗍𝖾𝖾𝗇

I wake up to Cato readjusting. He gets more comfortable while simultaneously making sure he's still holding onto me. He holds me tighter and puts his head into my shoulder. Then he holds me, just holds me. And there's nowhere else I'd rather be. I move my hands and hold his that are situated around my waist. He smiles.

"Good morning Clo."

I look back at him. I stared at him and fidgeted with his hand while he played with my hair. There wasn't any words exchanged for a while, and I liked it. Because without words there was still an understanding between us. Every now and then we'd stare at each other and smile, and that's all we needed. There wasn't anything really romantic to say, I think our minds were elsewhere.

We stayed there till the sun fully rose, then we were forced out of our gilded comforts and set our sites on the task at hand. We packed up our campsite and went to go. We walked around some more, the only thing we could do was wait around till A: The game makers got bored and decide to do something unthinkable. Or B: We run into them by happenstance. In this situation I think A is more likely to happen.

As we walk I can't escape my mind. The only thing it's telling me, no, it's yelling at me.

"Clove, I'm done killing, I don't want to kill anymore."

Something about Thresh's death hit me hard. Why'd I hesitate, I've never hesitated in my life. When now do I do this? I shook it off as Cato released his hand from mine.

"A snare."

I walked over to him, "Looks like it's been there for a while."

"Yeah but still, this looks exactly like hers I recognize it from earlier in the game."

I sort of shrugged it off as we continued to move. I was hopelessly unmotivated to continue. I had to keep going, I knew that. But something inside me just faded off. I didn't even want to be here in the first place. My brush with death and then my hesitation to take down the man that caused it? Why was I so bent out of shape about this? I couldn't make sense with it at all. I just didn't understand.

My whole life I've been this heartless killing machine, why now do I show sympathy for the victims? And then it clicked. Cato. Cato is why. Because now I know what it's like to love someone, and be loved back. Cato showed me that in this world of torture and pain, there is still something beautiful. I wondered about Tresh. How many people loved him? Did he have a kind of love that could transcend these games? Was his family alive? I took away the opportunity of so many people going home to see their loved ones just for my own sake? I don't have anyone when I get home. In fact in the beginning of the game I was confident that Cato was gonna live. He has a family to go home to. I have a drunken mother and a life of loneliness if I go back. This rule where there can be two victors really screws this all up. Because now the guilt of all these kills lands harder on my shoulders. Because not only would I be winning and getting to go home, but I'd be able to go home with the person I love the most.

My brain instantly goes to Marvel and Glimmer, and whatever unrequited or hidden love they had for one another. If this rule would've been implemented earlier in the game, when they were alive, would we be here now? Would there be a whole war against the districts during this game, who will come out on top? I find it brutally unfair that if we win I don't loose anything, and meanwhile all the families of the people we are murdering loose something. A family member.

Don't take this the wrong way, I still want to win. But I don't think these feelings would ever change. I think they're just firmly solidified now, never to escape. I don't think I could live with the guilt. Even with Cato by my side. I don't think I could handle the aftermath of these games. I don't think I'd be happy about it. Maybe I do loose something once this is done, myself completely.