Chenford one-shots

20- Tamara's death

Lucy pov

I can still hear the sirens wailing. I can still see her limp body. I can still feel the pain tearing at my insides. I don't know if it will ever stop.

It's been one day. One day since I lost Tamara. It hurts to even think her name. I thought I would be stronger by now. Jackson was my best friend, his death changed me. But nothing could've prepared me for this. Nothing could've of prepared me for how it feels to lose a sister.

I'm sitting at my kitchen counter, staring at the untouched sandwich in front of me. I look over my shoulder to see Tim and Angela huddled in the corner, whispering. I don't need to be able to hear them to know they are talking about me.

I see Tim's concerned looks. I haven't talked since it happened. I haven't even cried. He's asked countless times how I am doing and I know I should tell him I'm fine, but I can't. Because that would be a lie. I'm not fine, I don't know if I ever will be.

...

I'm baking. It's the only thing I can do to occupy my mind. I stir the cupcake batter and use the recipe I've used a hundred times.

The hard wood of the spoon is rough in my hand as I mindlessly push and pull. I hear the door open and know that Tim is back from work. The jangle of his keys hitting the counter fills my ears but I don't look up. I don't have the energy.

I feel a hand on my waist. Tim plants a kiss on the back of my head but it doesn't feel how it did before. Nothing does.

Seconds turn into minutes. Minutes turn into hours. Hours turn into days. Days turn into weeks and I find myself sitting at Nolan's kitchen table.

It's hard to remember how I got here. Everything just turns into a blur.

It's the squads monthly game night. We play monopoly.

I watch them interact, I know they don't think I notice the side glances they give me, or the exchanged looks between them.

It's my turn. I roll. Even the smallest movement feels so big. I watch my piece move around the board. The iron. Oh how I wish I could iron out my life. I land on free parking and I'm glad my turn is over. It took more energy than it should've.

Nolan makes a joke and I listen to everyone's forced and awkward laughter. They try to act normal, but I see right through it. Nolan looks towards me, wanting to see my reaction to his joke, wanting to see any reaction.

I look up at him and try to smile the best I can but I know it's weak. I realise it's the first sign of emotion I've shown in days. He smiles back then turns away and the game resumes.

I feel a hand brush against my leg and turn my head to Tim. He's already staring back at me and I can see what he's saying with his eyes. 'You'll be okay.'

I look down at my leg, his fingers rubbing it in a circular motion. His touch feels cold against my skin and it doesn't ignite the same fire it used to.

He sees my unchanged expression and lifts his hand from my thigh.

Time passes and soon I'm out, mostly from lack of trying. I push myself up from the table, using the remainder of my energy. I take a shaky step away from the table and feel myself crumple. I don't know if it's from exhaustion or grief but I don't care.

I'll happily fall into a never ending sleep if it means I don't feel this pain ever again.

But then I hear his voice.

"Lucy." It's Tim. All it takes is that one word and I know everything will be fine. Eventually.

Hey y'all,

Im so sorry that I haven't posted in forever. I've been rlly struggling to find motivation to write. I've also been rlly overwhelmed with school. I'll try to post more regularly but I can't promise anything. I'm sorry if this one's sort of depressing, it was just the only thing I felt like writing, and I'm just trying to start writing things again, whatever it is, as long as I'm writing.

- Stormy Matter