The Flaw In Perfection: A Snamione Romance Fanfic

Chapter 44. Defeat

He walked down the silent hallway, an unsmiling expression etched across his face. He patiently waited to walk in on anyone in the castle, but he was in luck. No one seemed to bother to wander around the halls even when the weather was fair. He had noticed that Ilvermorny and Hogwarts are absolutely different in so many ways, particularly the managerial approaches of the two Headmasters that run them. He would be lying if he said he liked it here. He never did. He was trying to engage his mind somewhere else, but he couldn't find any way out of a squandered chance to the girl he thought the world of and a tempestuous discussion he had with his nosy apprentice.

Their words were burned at the back of his mind, and he was appalled and haunted by certain pairs of eyes.

"I was wrong about you..." The green eyes were filled with unshed tears and looked at him lifelessly.

"I understand. I completely understand... " The fierce honey eyes he used to look upon were insensible and unresponsive.

"I know you are not a coward, but now I'm starting to think maybe I judged you incorrectly..." her amethyst eyes held nothing but mistrust and disappointment.

He couldn't forget how their sunny personas dulled and assuaged because of him. His past actions and present course only created a strong incredulity between the people he considered to be a friend. Maybe that was his curse. He pushes people away. He pushes them to their limits until they're all burned out.

He was devastated with himself again. He looked at his surroundings and realized he could still feel the real pain and the past sensations, which seemed to haunt him wherever he went.

He stepped down between the jardiniere and laid his hand briefly on the cold stone of the nearby fountain. The water was clear that he could see his reflection as the golden coins submerged into it enticed him. He glanced at the water for one moment, only to see that his glance was full of unhappiness.

The garden was beautiful once you actually saw the entirety of it. He had seen it twice already, but this time around was the moment he finally acknowledged its beauty and rarity. He closed his eyes again and wondered if he was the type of person who couldn't see one's value unless it was pointed out, stolen away, or gone forever. He remembered how he ignored the friendship three persons had offered him. No matter how much he tried, all he did was disappoint all of them.

He was busy contemplating bitter thoughts when he heard a steady breathing behind the fountain's subtle streams and showers. He made his decision to observe and find out who it was, when quite suddenly, a familiar scent reached his nostrils. He'd know that fragrance anywhere: the hint of four seasons rose and vanilla...

Hermione...

His misery was immediately altered with confusion and defiance. This was the first time she'd seen her this close. He never had the chance to examine her features, for he was always overwhelmed only with her presence. She was taller and thinner than before, with large anxious eyes and hair drawn back into a scarlet velvet bow on the nape of her neck.

He was about to make a move and announce his presence when the girl he'd been eyeing about turned her face over to him. It was obvious to her reaction that she had no idea that he was there, nor had the anticipation that she'll ever have the chance of seeing him... Alone.

Snape's eyes were filled with immense sympathy. He looked at her like he had never done before. Hermione was shocked, and this action of his immobilized her from where she stood. He had been disconcerted, even embarrassed, by this uncharacteristic occurrence. He hated the fact that he almost seemed like Rita Skeeter spying on her.

"Professor Snape," she spoke, with great dignity to look unabashed and radiant.

"Miss Granger" he looked away, hoping she would not hear the desperation in his voice.

She sensed his discomfort, and she wanted to vanish right there and then. She nodded in his direction, making sure she showed him respect and slowly walked away.

"Hermione, wait." it was too late before he realized he had used her given name, but he couldn't care less what consequences he would face now that he did it. He had to talk to her. It was now or never.

Without acknowledging him, she turned back and concentrated on leaving the garden. She was having a hard time focusing herself on her own urgent departure.

"Hermione, please," his plea was finally recognized, for Hermione Granger stopped in her tracks and looked at him with wide eyes. He quickly touched her arm, ever so lightly. It was a simple gesture, but the warmth and need wafting from his touch made her shudder a little bit.

"I need to talk to you. Hear me out, please. " Tears settled into his eyes as he held Hermione's small hands. She could feel her heart breaking into a zillion pieces. She could feel her perfectly built-up walls cracking by the second. This wasn't good. She wanted to ignore him, to run away, but all she managed to do was look in the opposite direction where he stood.

"Hermione, I, I know I have hurt you in any manner possible, and even if I give my utmost apologies to you, it will never be enough. I've caused you unimaginable suffering, and I couldn't take it all back. But I need to tell you something. Something that I should have told you a long time ago."

Her breathing was laboured, and she didn't expect him to be this straightforward. She couldn't stop the tearsthath were threatening the moment she felt the warmth of his hands. The pleading in his tone forced her to turn her head, but she instantly wished she hadn't.

His eyes that were as black as night and so familiar were staring intensely into hers. She was powerless to resist.

"I love you."

Her gasp was involuntary but full of shock and anguish, hearing the words she had longed to hear. But, did she still want to hear them? How could this be happening?

She could feel herself giving in. His sudden grip on her arms and the downpour in his eyes made her realize that he was definitely sincere. She was scared to speak. She couldn't trust herself to speak after what he said to her. She was confused about what to say or feel. She was about to embrace him when recollections of the tormented days and nights she had suffered in the name of loving him and staying with him.

It was her turn to talk. Her eyes became expressionless like a smooth glass. "I don't love you. I never did. It was a mistake."

Snape couldn't fathom the words she had just said. He just stood there and stared at her in disbelief. His heart was screaming that he wanted to run and never look back. It was a mistake. He was a mistake. There he was finally pouring out his heart, his whole self to the person he believed he loved and loved him back, and now everything turned out to be a lie.

"I thought I loved you, but actually, I didn't. You were a mystery to me. It's just like a moth drawn to a flame. I misinterpreted your actions and made myself believe that I love you. Love is many things, but it isn't pity or curiosity. I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way you do."

His frozen expression gradually faded and melted. He was speechless. For the first time, he regretted losing his control. He was always in control, and now he felt nothing. He gave her a small smile even though tears were flowing down his pale cheeks. He walked away, his robes billowing behind him.

A girl was watching from a fair distance. It wasn't her intention to listen to any of that private and woeful conversation. Her cries weren't audible to any passerby or visitor of the garden. The only noise that can be heard was the soft sprinkle of water from the magical fountain.