≽^•༚• ྀི≼ angsty adventures

🗝️⋆｡𖦹°‧★ the blurring barrier between love and hate

Kelix stared down at his cameras, genuinely tweaking as he watched every single little movement that displayed itself in the apartment. He was fighting the urge to grab at the screen, or slam his fist through it.

He sat, frozen in his chair. His eyes were as wide as those of a cat, almost resembling one as he arched his back to yawn, before snapping his gaze right back to the screen.

He was enraged. What the hell? What the hell was this? What in the ever living fuck was he looking at? Shooting up from his chair, he kicked at the leg of his desk- thank God he had it screwed into the bookshelf beside it.. otherwise, it would have collapsed.

He went from stiff to erratic within a second, looking for something to throw. His boombox crashed with the ground as he walked forward, crushing it into bits. He didn't use that old junk, anyway- he was more into listening to music on his computer.

"UGH!" He screamed, kicking the messed up boombox at the wall. He repeatedly slammed his foot into said wall, as well, genuinely twitching with rage.

What the fuck? What the hell did he see in him that he didn't have? If it was being a fucking stalker, that was weird, but hey, he could have that!! He kicked the wall again, putting a hole in it.

He could dye his hair. He could dress differently if his fashion was the problem! What the FUCK was it? He let out a scream of annoyance, kicking at the wall.

He was crying- not.. not because of sadness, but he was outright PISSED. His foot hurt, but that didn't stop his merciless attacks on the wall that already had holes in it. 

"GOD DAMN IT!" He screeched out, not caring that all of his neighbors just happened to be home. One in particular seemed to notice the noises of screaming, clanging, and everything in between, because there was a knock at his door.

No. Thomas stopped after just one knock- He knew what was going on. Kelix was having some fucking temper tantrum. With that- he kicked in the door, watching as it swung open ahead of him.

"..Dude!" He barged in, panting as he saw the mess. Things were scattered everywhere. There were holes in the walls, and Kelix was on the floor- seemingly in a trance. "You can't fucking- You need to leave it alone!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He screamed back, unleashing everything in front of Thomas for the first time. He had gotten.. strange around him, but to this point? Never. "WOULD YOU RATHER IT BE YOU?! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" He screamed, plunging his fists into the ground.

His throat hurt from screaming. He was clawing at the ground, still screaming to his heart's content because he felt it was fucking necessary. Thomas had to cover his ears. He didn't know what to do. He was watching his friend basically self destruct in front of him.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?" Kelix was tired, but- being rushed by adrenaline, managed to snap around and grab at Thomas' wrists, clasping them together. "YOU-" He choked on his own words. "YOU'VE MET HIM, YOU'D KNOW, DAMN IT!"

"WHAT THE HELL DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON'T?" He was screaming in Thomas' face. His eyes burning and his throat nearly bleeding due to strain didn't stop him whatsoever. "TELL ME ALREADY!"

He didn't even give Thomas time to answer after he had, quite vividly, demanded answers. All the while screaming, he clawed at the man's wrist. "HE- HE CAN'T EVEN SET UP CAMERAS.. SECURELY!" His throat ache was terribly obvious. His screaming was scratchy, his voice cracking here and there. "I.. TAPPED INTO THEM WITHIN— WITH- UGH!! WITHIN MINUTES! I DON'T FUCKING SEE WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT THAT.. THING!"

Thomas was in pain. Like, horribly so. His wrists were bleeding, because Kelix had his nails SHARPENED. It was the way he liked them- He never intended to do this with them, but God, did it help.. He knew it'd be useless to pull away, so he just stood there.

"..Just- Let him go! If it annoys you this much, surely you can just-" Another scream. Dropping back to his knees and letting out loud, bloodcurdling shrieks, he slammed his hands onto his face.

Thomas knew he was in pain. He saw it. He heard it, too. "Stop! You need to stop!" He raised his voice as well. His ears felt the need to bleed.

Kelix stopped screaming momentarily to let out a group of sobs that ranged in volume. Everything on Kelix's body hurt. His throat was strained, he was sure it'd be bleeding by now. His ears were aching, barely being able to hear Thomas over his cloudy thoughts, ringing ears, and his own sobs. His body itself hurt- Especially his feet and his hands that he had used to cause damage to the whole place. It hurt.

He hated Varcity. He hated him for making him like this, for suddenly changing him into.. this, but at the same time, he couldn't help but keep in mind that it was his own feelings for Varcity that brought this behavior upon him. He hated him and how he loved him. He hated it. He hated this whole situation. He hated the fact he was like this, but he was filled with so much love at the same time.

He cried, his screams that were filled with so much anger and resentment turning into quiet sobs- desperate ones. He was confused, scared of his own emotions. He didn't understand why he had these fits, he didn't understand whatsoever.

He grasped at the blades that were surrounding him- some had already scratched up his knees, some had made their way under his feet and poked through his socks. He had some in his hand, now.

He was sick and tired of it. He forced a few in his mouth, sobbing as he desperately tried to swallow them. He blubbered out a few sobs, trying to speak, but he couldn't be understood. He didn't want to be like this. He just wanted to be normal.

Thomas immediately grabbed what he could of the blades from his hands, and with a 'Dude, don't!', slammed a hand on his back. It was rough, but it was the only way he'd cough them up. The blades were spit from his mouth, only after cutting it up a bit inside.

He was going insane. Kelix was actually going mad, and he knew it. He felt horrible. It didn't get at all better when Thomas cleared a spot on the ground and dropped down beside him.

"..You just." Thomas panted, trying to stay calm.  He was terrified- fearing for his friend's health. He reached out, putting a hand on his back. He knew Kelix could go from wanting to be touched, yearning for it, to wanting nothing to do with physical touch and freaking out once someone comes into physical contact with him, so he was trying his best to be there for him yet give him space at the same time.

"You just tried to end it, again. K—Kelix, we can't keep doing this. We need to get you help." Kelix shook his head at the recommendation, curling up into a ball on the ground as he spit out blood. It was a terrifying sight.

To see the household trashed- no, trashed was an understatement. It was in horrific disarray. His friend was balled up on the ground, after literally trying to kill himself. It was horrifying. It reminded Thomas of when he had lived like him. It was sad, it was.. horrifying.

Thomas brought him up to his feet. "Come on— Maybe.. maybe we could go see Varcity, after getting you some help." He spoke softly, not wanting to harm Kelix's ears more than they had already been harmed.

Kelix felt overall broken. His whole body was in pain, yet numb at the same time. It was horrible. "I.. don't.. don't.." He gasped out, his voice reduced to a low murmur. "..just.. don't tell them about this.."

...Thomas agreed. He desperately wanted to let the only other person Kelix was really okay with know, but he was told not to. So, he silently swore not to tell Varcity anything as he escorted him to his truck.

They went and.. sought help from the hospital, saying it was just some accident. They made up a few lies and got out of there after they had patched Kelix up.

That night, Thomas had to call off the plans he had with others and book Kelix a room at a motel while he cleaned up his living space. He didn't question how he could live like this, he just cleaned.

He knew it'd get messed up again eventually, but he put all of his effort and energy into it anyway- hell, he even put in some new furniture. He collapsed onto the bed when he was done, immediately snoozing off. He was fatigued, sure, but he was glad he had helped his friend.