It's just so bizarre; my first day back at school after being out for like a week. I don't know who knows. And that makes me afraid to even look at anyone. Teachers and the like, I mean. None of my "friends" would know.
In first period, I can't tell that anything is different. My teacher doesn't say anything, doesn't act any weird way, doesn't look like he's trying to hide anything. So I really don't think he knows. I completely expected my mother would have told the school principal and all my teachers but it doesn't seem like she did. Or maybe she just told them not to act any different.
No one has texted me. I haven't talked to anyone in like a month. Not Mara, not Olivia, not Emma, no one.
The bell rings and my first class since I tried to kill myself is over. It wasn't too bad. As I'm scrolling through my phone a notification pops up from Briggs. "Come to my office this period."
Nerves flood through me. I knew I would go see Briggs sometime today, probably some this second period, but I haven't seen him since everything happened and I'm scared.
I begin to type a reply to him. Ok, be right ther... I backspace. Maybe la... I backspace again. I don't want to. I hesitate. I want to hit send but I know I won't. Backspace. Okay. I write. Send.
I walk through his office door and sit down casually.
"I'm glad you're here," he says.
"I'm not," I say.
"How do you feel?" he asks.
"Embarrassed," I tell him. Like a failure, I want to say.
"Physically?" he asks.
"I feel fine, just really tired like in my brain," I explain as I rub the heel of my hand against my forehead. "But that's not really anything new," I add.
"Are you talking to somebody?" he asks. "Like a therapist?"
"3 days a week," I say with a fake enthusiastic expression.
"Does it help?" he asks.
"I don't know. I don't think I can be helped," I say.
"Why do you say that?" he asks.
"Well how much of the truth do you want?" I ask him.
"All of it," he answered.
"I don't think I'm likeable," I say "err, loveable," I quickly add.
"Of course you are," he says.
"I don't think so but I don't want to get into it," I tell him.
"You gotta want to change," he says.
"Change what? So other people will care about me?" I say.
"No, get better, for yourself," he says.
"I've told you before I don't care. I've stopped caring a long time ago," I say.
"Well then do you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this?" he asks.
"No. Are you telling me to go kill myself" I ask.
"No. Luna no. Absolutely not. You know exactly what I mean. That if you don't change, it's never gonna get any better," he says.
"Yeah I guess you're right," I say.
"You are going to a division one university five hours away, to compete in the sport you love. That sounds like a perfect fresh start. No one from this town goes there. No one there knows you. I'm excited for you. I know you will do so well," he says.
"How do you know that," I say.
"You're a nice person. You're a good person," he says.
"Just not to myself," I say.
"Yes," he says.
"Are you still suicidal," he asks. I don't think the shock of hearing that out loud will ever go away.
I shrug.
"I want this school year to be over," I tell him. "I don't know how much longer I can stand to be here."
"Just a few more weeks," he says.
**********
I made it. Somehow through the last three weeks. I almost didn't come to my graduation. I almost didn't even graduate. I think my teachers knew, I think they knew that I tried to kill myself because I should not have passed my math class. I think Mr. Sharpe gave me some free points on my average.
After the graduation ceremony the huge crowd of 200 students plus all our family and teachers are gathered in and around the school.
My family is talking to another family and I'm trying to find my way out of here. I took a few pictures in my cap and gown but now I just want to be gone. Get home, change, and close this chapter for good. I walk with my eyes down, trying to avoid anything that will slow me down. I take the stupid square cap off my head and fix my flattened hair. I unzip my gown and ball it up.
I make it out of the crowd and as soon as I begin speed walking I hear my name being called from the distance.
Ugh.
I turn around, it's Briggs. My heart sinks. This might be the last time I'll ever see him. He catches up with me around the corner of the building.
As he gets closer, sadness overcomes me and tears roll down my face. I was hoping to avoid him. I didn't want to say goodbye.
"You made it. Barely but you made it," he says, making me laugh through my tears.
"I'm so happy to be done but," I begin. "I'll... I um, just want to thank you. For listening. Even though you did some things that really made me mad, um, thank you."
"What did I do to make you mad?" he asks sarcastically.
"Don't ruin this moment," I tell him.
He smiles.
"Thank you," he says softly.
"For what?" I ask confused.
"Trusting me, allowing me to know you, teaching me," he says.
I don't know what to say.
"Are you looking forward to the next chapter?"
"Actually, I think I am," I tell him, fighting with myself to hide a smile.
"Remember me when you're at the next Olympics," he says.
"I could never forget you."
Everything is about to change. Hopefully for the better. I'm not sure if it could possibly get worse. As empty as I am, I still have the future.
YOU ARE READING
Water on the Moon
General Fiction***TRIGGER WARNING*** Seventeen year old Luna Henderson has just begun her senior year of high school, but is she ready? Last year, the star athlete and former straight A student found herself quickly declining into a deep depression, consumed with...
