We could have a life, us two..

A Little Miracle

He sat on the edge of the bed with their daugther crying between his arms, the lifless body of his wife lying behind him. Hours had passed since the doctor patted his shoulder and said, "We did everything we could." before leaving the room with the midwife who had helped him to put his baby the clothes on that his wife had knitted for her. Nellie's face was pale, paler than he had ever seen, and he whised desperately for her to open her eyes one last time. He had so much to say to her, so many things left unspoken. Now, just when her biggest wish of having a child had come true, she couldn't leave them behind like this. Not now, when he needed her the most. Not now..

Arthur had been crying downstairs the whole night. He felt as if he had lost his parents all over again. Just when someone had opened their arms and their home to him, giving him warm meals and most importantly, love, he lost everything all at once again. Not that he ever expected to become their child, but they had done so much for him, and he was so happy the help them whenever he could. What would happen to him now? What would happen with the baby and Mr. Lewis he thought.

A tear rolled down from Sweeney's cheek onto the tiny hand of his daugther as he tried to soothe her. He didn't even know how to make her stop crying, and with that, he was reminded once again that he was nothing without Nellie. She was his reason to live, her love for him and his love for her was what kept him alive. Now, she had given him another reason: their daugther. He had imagined their New Year with her and their daughter totally different than all of what happened, it all hurted him so much.

"We could have a life, us two. Maybe not like I dreamed. Maybe not like you remember. But we could get by." Her words echoed in his ear. They were getting by, more than he ever had expected. He had fallen in love with her so deeply he never could have imagined feeling this way about anyone, what he felt for her overpowered every feeling.

She had given him the best life he could ever imagine. She gave him the best gift he could ever have and more than he deserved. "Vivienne." He kept repeating their baby's name, a name she had chosen for her and he had in his mind since he was a young man. Back in the time he said if he ever had a daugther to name her Vivienne, he hadn't  the opporunity since Lucy wanted to name their child Johanna. But how did Nellie know that? He wondered. He had probably mentioned it to her on some occassion. "She didn't forget." He whispered to Vivienne. She had never had forgotten anything about him.

Another tear rolled down his cheek as the night was turning into the morning. Why? He asked himself. Was he paying for all his past sins? He would gladly die instead of Nellie. Why make her pay for his sins? Hadn't they been through enough? Hadn't she been through enough? It was all so unfair.

"It's alright" He kissed little Vivienne's forehead, trying to soothe her further but truth to be told nothing was alright. He wasn't thinking about what he was doing, it all came naturally as he desperately tried to stop her from crying. Their poor daughter, who had just born hours ago, must be feeling the absence of her mother and all the sorrows he felt right now.

The man who was afraid of touching her was now desperately soothing his little baby. He was in pain. What would he do without her? Without Nellie he's just.. lost.

And then he broke down, desperate for her to open her eyes and embrace him. He wanted her to tell him it would be alright, that she would raise their baby with him, teach her to play the piano, teach her to read books, and especially teach her to cook like she did.

He returned to Nellie's side wanting to be close to her so that their little girl could take her scent in while he kissed her cold pale face as if he couldn't say goodbye. Not wanting to leave her side. Now he knew what she felt when he was lost in the sea, now he knew what loosing your other half felt like. Sadly..