Pen - pen: Disarm my Pain

HEY

Today I realized that life is slowly eating me alive while waiting for you, I always make an effort to reach out, to stay in contact, but I realize that I am just disturbing your silence and solitude all along. I learned that constantly hurting your heart by pushing it through will seriously hurt you.

I look happy and calm during the day, but, ironically, I am always drowning in sadness every night, it hits me harder during the times when I miss your voice and I find myself missing you calling me at night, telling me something about your day, or just complaining about a random circumstance that happened to you during the entirety of your working hours. I missed how you hate being an adult, I missed you texting me randomly, telling me where you are, telling me what you are doing.

But, everything suddenly clicked and all of these things passed by in reality, and I realized how life is too boring, and it is exhausting to always reply to my constant waves of messages each day.

I don't blame you for keeping the peace of your solitude. Who am I to complain if it is for your good? I don't find it selfish, I don't find it bad,
But the sadness boils and runs through my whole body by blood,

You can rest, you can go far away,
but please remember that you can go back, and I am your sanctuary,
Giving you all the comfort and love that you seek,
because I can't spend it on my own.

I will pick up the phone whenever you call at a random time, random place, and random occurrence,
Despite the delay in replies that you make,
My doors are always open for those whom I love the most,
just knock and I'll come to the door to welcome you again,

I have no valid reasons to hate you,
and even if I do,
I am not the type of human who sows hatred in my heart,

I am longing for your voice, your laughter, and your stories of little success,
I missed you cheering me up,
but now I should learn how to cope this with myself,

I will never get tired of loving you till the last of my breath,
I am not expecting anything in return or anything to be reciprocated,
I learned how to stop assuming people have the same heart that I have,
and letting you go is hard, but I always understand.