Forgotten Twin

Open Ears

      Liv
     
      Two weeks later
     
      Things hasn't been the same in a long time now. I know i'm just a kid but I have slowly felt like the kid in me draft away. It was more like she hid in the deepest part of my mind. Having no reason to come out and enjoy the day anymore. I felt sad and lethargy most days. Every part of child like joy just vanish. She didn't exist anymore. Didn't feel like she was needed. All the happy goofy child play mind i'm suppose to have, wish to run around laughing and joy. It's gone, well mostly its was gone. I still feel a small tingly of my child like present. But I won't be so hopeful these days. My inner child finds it better off sleeping than play. Any aspect you expect a kid my age to have. I didn't. She didn't.
     
      I just hope sometimes that maybe if we hold off with the magic for later in life. Maybe just maybe things would go back to how they use to be. Maybe thats all I need, just to rest and wait for a bit. But I know mother won't along that. I guess i'm just holding on to my childhood with a thin rope. I can feel it slipping away and it burns my palms as I feel the world tugging on to it. Hard and hard as the wool rubs on my skin, leaving a painful red mark on my palms.
     
      The world just pulls harder and harder now and days. And sometimes I just want to let go and give up. I don't want to keep on trying to be this happy kid, when all I am is sad and tired. More tired than I thought I could be. I don't want to have this fake smile on when I am already trying so hard to not look so miserable all the time.
     
      But then I look up and see my dear sisters face and I get the little bit of strength in my tiny body to grip onto the rope with both hands. Both feet planted firmly on the ground and pull, pull, and pull until I feel just a slight but more kid like. Thats when I get the mood to go be a kid. To do all the silly stuff you expect a kid my age to do. To run and make mistake and get bumps and bruise. Even little dance parties with your twin while you pretend to be a models on tv.
     
      It's Mery who help me stay a happy 6 year old girl. She the one who still want to be around me the least. Out of everyone it's only Mery who I really care for. When i'm around Mery I feel my child side burst through the door. Knocking down this wall that has been building up lately. Taking that hammer and basting it through the bricks.
     
      Mery keeps me in check. She doesn't know it and I don't want her to know. But she the only person in my life right now that keeps me who I am. She the only one I still feel happy to be around and she happy to have me around as well. I don't have the boost of energy to run and play. To color and craft. And dress to fun and all that kid stuff. I just start to feel like once I get time to play, I get call away to help around the house. Mery will help a little but then mother will offer her to go out and run errands with her. To get some fresh air and buy some new stuff for her.
     
      I had ask to join them but mother said she just need one helper. But I know thats a lie in a way. Before we started magic school, Mery and I always went out with other's for errands. Even father or aunt Mabel would take us out but now it seems like Mery was the one who gets pick for the town trips.
     
      So I stop asking to join and just keep myself busy with all my chores. Even though deep down I wish I can join them. Even if I didn't get out the car, I would still like to just be out the house doing whatever it is. I just wanted one day or some days to not have to clean up, which wasn't much but for a little kid like me, it always seems to take forever to finish.
     
      Mother said I can use magic to help but when I try. But I always seem to make a even bigger mess.With food and glass scatter all over the floor when I attempt to use magic. I figure I was better off doing it all the old fashion way. And then when mother see's how long it take me at first, she would be angry at me. She would yell and lest out of my lazy attempt of cleaning. But now she doesn't say much. Just checks after my work and tell me if i'm done for the day or not.
     
      I was glad she stop yelling, it almost felt like even without magic. I always seem to upset her. And I don't want to but I guess i'm not the kid witch she hopes for. I didn't think I could ever make my mother happy with me. I kind feel it, when she looks at me. Well thats if she even looks at me at all. She had stop making eye contacts with me. And i learn to just go with what she said. No questions no fuss. Her eyes was full of pure darkness and my body quivers under her sight. Feel the only disappointment coming from her. Knowing she doesn't love as much as she use too.
     
      With everything, I miss my sister. I don't really get the time much any more to do hang out. I wish I did, I feel like I don't get as much time to be around my own twin anymore. Well yes we are in the house together, we eat together most times. We have magic school together and wake up and go to bed together. But then through out the rest of the day, we don't see each other. I start to feel so alone without Mery by me. And then when I do get to spent time with her. She goes on to tell me how great her day was and I have to seat there acting like I had just as much fun as she did.
     
      But that wasn't the slightest of truth at all. Sometimes I want to tell her but I don't want her to worry about me. I'll be fine once I get a grip on this magic stuff. And then I think the world will be more nicer to me. I just wonder sometimes if Mery even knows how distance our sister bond has been fading away a little. I mean its still strong but I feel the more we aren't together the more the bond thins. I feel like one day she would just get tired of me just like everyone else. She won't even bother to look at me either. I won't blame her, I am the twin she wouln't want to have in the future anyways.
     
      I just know one day she won't want to hangout with me anymore. She been all to use, to being with anyone other than her own twin. I don't even think she notice how happy I get to just stay up a extra 5 to 10 minutes with her before bed time. On the other side, I have been spending most of days down in the cellar. Practicing my magic, hoping to improve my skills. But lately I seem to be going backwards now.
     
      Nothing I do seems to be going right anymore. I get so angry with my self but I don't show it. Instead i just cry and I have to hid it. I hate my self for not being strong, I hate the fact I couldn't do just one little spell right. Just one, thats all I wanted to do. Just to have one spell I know I can do. But there wasn't one, I can't get any of them right. So I hid my feelings away, making sure no is around to see me. The one time I cry and mother saw me. She yell and told me speech's about being weak.
     
      "Listen up girl. You can't cry over everything. Rah rah rah sad Liv I can't do, STUCK IT UP. Be strong! I tought you better than that. Do not show weakness over little mistakes. That will get you kill in this world. And you will never make it if all you going to do is cry when you fail. So stop it, and try again NOW!"
     
      So I suck it up when i'm around people, trying to hid my weak point like mothers says. And when i'm alone, I let out a silence scream to myself while crying. Then I go back and try again and again and again. Mery has been trying to talk to me about it. Using all her big words to keep my mind aline. Telling things will get better for me soon, just got to keep my chin up.
     
      "Come on Livey, you need to believe in yourself like I do. Don't give up." Mery would tell me over and over again. Seeing the strain in my face when I fail on repeat.
     
      "I'm trying Mery. I'm really really trying." I said.
   "Just keep your chin up gurl, you got this." I giggle at her remark. She been doing great with the magic and I know everyone is super proud if her.
     
      I mean i'm proud of her too. But sometimes when I see the attentions she gets. I'm not angry or sad. Well I feel a little pit of sad sometimes. But overall I feel something else, I don't know the word for it but umm. If I can explain the feeling to you, the best way to explain it. I kinda wish I was in her place, but not like. I was the one doing good and she be the one doing bad, no. I mean like more I wish I was also doing good with magic. At least I wish I was doing well.
     
      Mother will usually say i'm doing okay or she just doesn't say anything at all. Father doesn't even ask about the lessons anymore. I guess mother has been telling him how i'm doing. Which isn't good in anyone eyes. Learning magic use to be the highlight of the day for us. But I learn to fake the smile for my sister and hope I can learn something and get through the day.
     
      "Girls I want you to study the elements this month. I want you to learn all of them and pick on to practice with."  Mother has been more strict on our lessons now.
     
      "Now tell me again, what are the 5 elements?" You can hear her tone deepens.
     
      I rise my hand.
     
      "Yes Liv, go on tell me." Gesturing with her hands for me to speak.
     
      "The 5 elements are, fire, water, earth, spirit, and air."
     
      "Yes very good Liv." Mother smiles at me.
     
      "I am very happy for your knowledge."
     
      "Thank you mother." I smile a little in the inside.
     
      I was glad the one thing I have over all of these lesson's are the other stuff. I'm pretty good when it comes to the books stuff. I can recite most history's and old wise tales. I can get a chant right word for word. I can even explain to you how a spell is done. The only thing I can't seem to to do right is perfect a spell. I just can't seem to get it to where I need it to.
     
      I know mother has been very angry about this. I can feel it durning our lessons. There's like the red blub thing that throws stuff at me whenever there interaction with mother and I. Thats why I try to keep my head down on the inside of it all. But on the outside, I have to keep my chin up high. Make it though the lessons. I know I will get it one day. I just hope that day comes sooner. I'm starting to doubt my self. Our lesson for today has been going by very slowly. All three of us seem to be tired from reading and reciting everything. So mother has been giving us a break a little. I was very happy at this point.
     
      "Okay girl thats the of class today. Both of you are doing very very well. I am pleased with you Liv and Meredith." Looking at the chalk board.
     
      "Can we go out and play mother." Meredith ask.
     
      I can feel the air split in just second at Mery question. My heart race a million when mother didn't respond right way. We haven't been outside seen the accident. And for good reason why. Mother wanted us both to be more in control before being outdoors again. She was afraid someone else would get hurt.
     
      I was more afraid for Mery than me. She was doing great and I can feel the magic building up inside her. You can  kind of sense it on her. She strong really really strong. It like she glows when she practices her magic. It makes me happy to see her doing well.
     
      "Yes Meredith. Just remember, if you feel something. Control it right away, breath through it. And if you feel like you can't, then stop. Thats when I want you to come in. Okay." Never taking her eyes away from the board. Her body was stif you can tell since she wasn't moving. She just stayed in placed.
     
      "Yes mother. We will be very very careful. You taught us well." Mery reply with full respect.
     
      My nerves flew away after mother gave us the okay to go play outdoors. My heart ran back up to chest and went back to beating normally now. When we we're practicing our magic before our birthday. It was all about control. It was the first thing any witch had to learn. And for good reason. If you can't control it, then there's no point. You are going to hurt your self and others at the end of the day.
     
      But Mery and I has got our magic under control. For me it was easy. Since i been struggling with it. I was easy for me to learn how strong my magic was and not let it over power me. I mostly don't use it that often. For my sister Mery. It was a bit harder for her. Some of our lessons went on longer just for her. But after a while she started to get a hang of it. She hasn't had a slip up in a very long time.
     
      I guess thats why mother is trusting us to go out. And she know I will be able to help bring Mery in is something did happen. Usually if she gets over whelmed I just have to hold her arms down tightly and remind her to breath in and out. Mery gave me a look like a exciting puppy. And hurry up the stairs before mother can change her mind.
     
      I close our books and put them away, before following her. Mery was so happy that she forgotten to put her book away. Well she kind of always forgets. She a mess like that. Me in the other hand, I have to pick up after my self. I push out chairs in and went along to follow behind Mery up the stair. But she was already far gone. I ran into father while I was walking up the stairs.
     
      "Opps sorry sweety, you okay?" Grabbing both my arms, before I fell back.
   "Yes father i'm fine." Smiling back as I let out a big sign of relief. 
  "Well go on, I have to speak to your mother." I squeeze past father and he made his way down to mother. The this is, I follow him back down. Something told me I had too. It was like a little voice in my head.
     
      "Follow him." My mind told me.
     
      And I did, very quietly I follow him down in the cellar. I stayed a few steps away from the entrance. I didn't want them to see me. So I lend against the hard cold block wall. And open my ears to hear them speak. And my heart sank at conversation. I knew something was wrong but J didn't think it was this bad. I just thought more time would be better. My whole body went leap after wards. My head spin with crazy thoughts running through my brain. I went slowly but fastly went up the stairs and pull my self together.
     
      "Maybe mother was wrong. I can be better. And things will be okay." I softly speaking to my self. I didn't want to disappoint mother, father, or our ancestors. I was trying my best, but I guess it wasn't good enough. Maybe its not too late. I hope its not too late.