One Shots boy x boy 5sos, phan, 1D, kellic, etc

Very Important

Okay this isn't an update but Id like to address something. Okay well uhm theres this band that I really, really, really like. Its called Pierce The Veil. They've helped me through so much so they do mean a lot to me so if you don't like them don't spread hate okay? Most of yall probably don't like them but idc I need to address this.

So, they have two songs called:

" Bulls in the bronx "

And

" Hold on till may "

There was a suicide a while back, In 2012. It was of a girl named Olivia Penpraze. She had a tumbler account ( bulimickittens ) and she posted a video of... her story.

In the video she talked about how she suffers from Psychosis. Its an awful mental illness in which thoughts and emotions are so impaired that contact is lost with external reality. Heres some of the things people experience:

Cognitive: thought disorder, belief that an ordinary event has special and personal meaning, belief that thoughts aren't one's own, disorientation, memory loss, racing thoughts, slowness in activity and thought, thoughts of suicide, unwanted thoughts, difficulty thinking and understanding, or false belief of superiority

Behavioral: aggression, agitation, hostility, hyperactivity, hypervigilance, nonsense word repetition, repetitive movements, self-harm, social isolation, disorganized behavior, lack of restraint, or persistent repetition of words or actions

Psychological: anxiety, depression, fear, manic episode, paranoia, persecutory delusion, religious delusion, visual hallucinations, or hearing voices

Mood: anger, apathy, excitement, feeling detached from self, general discontent, limited range of emotions, loneliness, or nervousness
Speech: deficiency of speech, excessive wordiness, incoherent speech, or rapid and frenzied speaking
Also common: confusion, nightmares, restlessness, or tactile hallucination

She was suffering and no one helped her. In her story video it stated that she had tried to attempt suicide every year after 2008 on May 1st. ( hence the name of the sing hold on till may ) But in her last video she said stuff like( this is only the end not the whole video dialogue):

" people say that I mean a lot to them. But... I don't think I can believe that. But... If I do mean a lot to you. Im sorry its come to this. I know a lot of you mean a lot to me. But Iv just come so dis contact with everything. Oh my god. And I just- don't know. Im sorry, I'm sorry... "

To quote some lines of bulls in the bronx that go with/are dedicated to her( the stuff in bold ):

" Do you know
I count your heartbeats before you sleep (you sleep)?
I bite my fingernails to bone (to bone)
And then I crawl back under the stairwell
To a place I call my home.

(1:) I really hope you enjoy the show,
Because for me, it's just a bad day.
You need people like me to feel.

Maybe we're just having too much fun.
Maybe you can't handle yourself,
Staring at me with your lips and tongue.

(2:) You'll never know
I don't know where I'm going to sleep tonight.
She said, "Hotels are cheap,
And there's one down the street."
But, don't you threaten me with a good time.
Murder the moment.
My God, I'm the serpent.
(3:)I'm sorry, I can't see that you truly love me.

Maybe we're just having too much fun.
Maybe you can't handle yourself,
Staring at me with your lips and tongue.

I've been having this dream that we can fly,
So maybe if we never wake up, we can see the sky.

Oh, alright.

(4:)Please, don't take this out on me,
'Cause you're the only thing that's keeping me alive.
(5:)And I don't wanna wait for the down-set date
'Cause I would rather end it all tonight.
(6:)And if I mean anything to you,
I'm sorry, but I've made up my mind.

Maybe we're just having too much fun.
Maybe you can't handle yourself,
Staring at me with your lips and tongue.

(7:)I've been having this dream that we can fly,
So darling, close your eyes.
'Cause you're about to miss everything (about to miss everything)
About to miss everything (about to miss everything)"

1: This is kind of saying how bullies make fun of people and laugh at the "show" which is said person and think its funny while they are feeling awful about themselves..He also states that bullies need to make fun a person or people in order to live or feel better about themselves

2: The bullies will never know how they made their victims feel. Neither will anyone. Not their family, not their friends, because they'll keep it bottled up until it's too late.

3: In this case, this part of the song is about Olivia Penpraze, a girl who committed suicide. In her good-bye video, she said sorry to those who cared about her, even though she was convinced no one did.

4: Apparently, that person is the only reason Vic is still breathing, and he really wishes they didn't take their anger out on him. Listen really close behind this and you'll hear Vic whispering something else. This is because of Olivia Penpraze a girl who committed suicide and haunted Vic to make this song. Try listening through only your left ear to make it easier to hear.

5:It's common for people who are considering suicide but lack the push to go through with it to set up intangible dates for their exit. The ability to keep their options open serves as an effective coping measure. Olivia always had the push it just didn't work until April whenever she really just gave up.

6: If the person means something to you, they're sorry but they have made their decision to end their life.Olivia's last words on her YouTube channel were "I'm sorry"

7: This partial repeat of the chorus is sung by the mother, who has made the choice to end artificial life support for her daughter ('darling close your eyes'). However she does this with great regret, knowing that her daughter will never experience a full life ('miss everything').

I just.. These songs both mean so much to me and it breaks my heart that Olivia had to go out that way. I watched her " Story Video " and her last goodbye video and a couple others. It sucks ass big time that people have to go through stuff like she did. the only reason she had psychosis is because the years of childhood bullying eventually got to her and she just.... snapped. In the words of Vic " Her videos are truly haunting " I just feel like I needed to make this even tho theres thousands of better ones its just my way of showing respect I guess.

Iv suffered from mental illnesses taht have made me hallucinate and have panic attacks and just other awful things id rather not go into detail about and it's somewhat like Psychosis at certain stages and that was just hell so I cannot even begin to fathom what it's like to go through what she went through.

On Tuesday, April 3rd, her mother took her off life support after Penpraze was declared brain dead in the hospital.

Rest In Peace: Olivia Penpraze, 1993-2012

You will be missed ❤️