Scared (Jonnor)

Chapter 1

The air was so stiff, so stale, that Connor's throat felt immeasurably dry and his eyelids immeasurably heavy. He had been sitting by his hospital bed for hours, unable to remove himself from Jude's side, no matter how many times he was told to go home and rest. "He's in a trauma-induced coma, Connor," they kept saying. "We'll let you know as soon as he wakes up."

Bullshit. He wanted to be there the second Jude woke up so he could apologize, so he could cry every ounce of remorse he felt for what had happened. With his boyfriend's cold hand gripped firmly in his own, Connor drifted into a light sleep.

Lena and Stef watched from the doorway, watched as their son laid lifeless in a hospital gown. "Should we go in? Should we be with him?"

Stef looked at her tearful wife and kissed her forehead gently. "No, they're alright. We should join the kids in the cafeteria; you haven't eaten all day."

"I suppose you're right," Lena whispered, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I just hate to see our baby like that. I wish he'd wake up."

"I wish for nothing more than to see his sweet, brown eyes right now, but standing and watching does not help him," Stef reminded her. "We'll come back up when you've eaten."

Lena nodded and straightened her blouse. Both took one more long glance at their son and turned from the doorway, making their way to the elevator.

---

"You're squeezing my hand too tight."

Jude opened his eyes, slowly and uncertainly, squinting at the blinding fluorescent lights above him. He wiggled his right hand, waking Connor from his sleep. As soon as their eyes met for the first time in days, Connor's eyes filled with tears, tears of joy and tears of regret.

"I'm so sorry, Jude," he whispered, releasing his hand and scooting his chair closer to the top of the bed. "I'm so so so sorry. I should have stopped this. I could have prevented this. I-"

"Connor." Jude lifted his hand to tilt his boyfriend's head up until their eyes met once again. "This isn't your fault."

"So you remember what happened?" Connor asked, his heart racing, remembering the terror that coursed through his body when he found Jude laying entirely too still in the dirt behind the Ferris Wheel.

"I remember getting in line for the Ferris Wheel, and you needed to use the bathroom," Jude recalled. "You kissed me goodbye, and when you were out of sight, I remember some guys, some teenagers, pulling me out of line. I couldn't scream; they had my mouth closed. 'This is what we think of fags,' they kept saying, even when they started kicking and punching. At some point, I fell unconscious. And now I'm here."

"I shouldn't have left you, Jude," Connor whispered. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that, knowing there were so many people around. I shouldn't have let you get hurt."

"You didn't let me get hurt!" Jude said sternly but with more love than he could possibly express. "Had you been there, you wouldn't have let it happen."

"Had I been there, it may not have happened at all," Connor reminded him, shaking his head.

"Don't say that."

"I should go get your family." Connor stood up slowly.

"We need to talk about something important first..." Jude whispered, grabbing his hand before he could step away. "I don't think we can keep doing thi-"

"Jude!" Callie yelled, rushing into the room with her arms stretched wide. Jude embraced his older sister gladly, but he met Connor's eyes over her shoulder.

"We brought you some food," Lena said, handing a tray to Connor, who had stepped away from Jude to make room for the others.

"Thank you," he said, taking the tray from her hands. "I'll be outside."

Backing out the door, Connor sighed and let his food slip off the tray into the trash can outside. He couldn't eat, not after what had almost happened. Falling onto the ground with his back pressed against the wall and his closed eyes facing the ceiling, he allowed his mind to drift, trying hard not to think about what he knew Jude was going to say.