Scared (Jonnor)

Chapter 3

Connor and Jude sat on the porch swing outside of the Adams-Fosters home, completely and utterly silent. Both knew what had to be said, what had to happen, but neither wanted to be the one to initiate it.

"Well this sucks..." Connor finally said after minutes of quiet.

"Yeah..." Jude agreed.

Another minute of silence passed on.

"I don't understand," Connor said. "Why is all of this happening? San Diego isn't even dangerous for the gay community."

"No, it isn't," Jude said, sighing. "But it's dangerous for us. And that's why we have to break up."

The next minute of silence was more painful, more excruciatingly painful, than hearing Jude say the words "break up" altogether.

"Connor?"

"You're right. Of course you are," Connor whispered. "I just wish that you weren't."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

Jude and Connor made eye contact momentarily, only to both look away quickly. It was just too difficult... Too difficult not to wrap their arms around each other and pretend that everything was okay, that everything would be better if they just forgot about the rest of the world. They had been friends for so long and boyfriends for over a year now. Their relationship was fine, stronger than ever.

The problem was never them; the problem was everyone else. To accept that they were letting society win felt like ultimate defeat, and for that reason, they did not make eye contact again for minutes.

"I should probably just head home," Connor told Jude, sneaking a glance at his boyfriend - ex-boyfriend - who had a heavy hand covering his eyes. Running his fingers slowly down his cheeks, Jude turned his whole body. Without thinking, he leaned into Connor and touched his lips very gently to his. Knowing he shouldn't have leaned in but not caring, and knowing he wouldn't be able to kiss him again and caring all too much, Jude lifted a hand to Connor's head and remembered the first time he had ever touched his hair.

The two had gone to the beach with Callie, spent the whole day in the water, throwing a frisbee in the sand, and curled up on one towel, playing rematch after rematch on their handhelds. Being too love struck to think of sunscreen, Connor went back sunburnt, very sunburnt, burnt to where he could barely move.

"Help me take my shirt off?" Connor asked innocently. Sliding the shirt slowly over his stomach and up his chest, Jude held his breath, admiring every curve, every muscle. He tried not to stare, even though he knew he was allowed, and maybe Connor expected him to. But he resisted the urge as best as he could.

"Ow ow," Connor whimpered as the shirt pulled his arms further toward his head.

"You should have just put on sunscreen," Jude told him.

"You should have reminded me," Connor responded.

"Not my job." Jude pulled the shirt up over his head, his hands running through Connor's shaggy brown hair in the process. He let his hand linger there as he took the shirt in his hands.

Connor, now shirtless, grinned, taking a slow step towards his boyfriend, and lifted his hand to rest on his own chin, his finger lightly touching his lower lip. "What is your job?" Jude simply grinned back at him as their lips touched.

That had been almost a year ago, only a few months into their relationship, and Jude wished now more than anything that they could return to that day just one last time, that he could feel that happiness and carefree love once more. He leaned away from Connor, with all of his pain lingering in the air between them, and whispered, "You're right... You should go."

-- I'm not sure how realistic this is for a couple of rising high school freshmen, buuuuuuuut I wrote it anyways --