Code Of Life

Chapter 3

Fear,
We all have it,
But don't want it,
And eventually,
We will overcome it.

Fear,
We can't see it,
But it's there,
We can't smell it,
But we feel it.

Fear,
We use it,
But don't need it.

Fear will come, and
Fear will go,
As we grow and become mature, we will know that, we shouldn't care for it.

We should know that, to be successful,

We should learn to overcome Fear.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Saturday went by in a blur.

My father couldn't stand to look at me. He was incredibly disappointed in me.

But, I couldn't blame him.

How could I ever keep something like this from him. I'm such a horrible daughter, a calamity in his life- like I was to my mother.

I'm a mistake, I should have never been born. I should have never existed.

I got up, went to the bathroom and took off the many charm bracelets I wore.

Razor. Cut. Blood. Tears.

"I hate you", I told myself while looking in the mirror. "I should just end your life right now".

I watched as my blood dripped off of my arm and onto the floor.
I took out a small towel and wiped the blood on my arm and floor using the white rubbing alcohol I kept in my bathroom.

Then I put my charm bracelets back on.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•
"Charlotte, we need to talk", my dad said. "I didn't want to talk about this to you yesterday because I felt like I should give you some time of your own".

"Dad, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you", I said with tears rolling down my face already. "I guess I was just scared".

"I know, Honey".

No you don't.
You have no idea what it's like to be me.
You have no idea what it's like to be a stupid, worthless, vile piece of scum like me.
I have no purpose in this world except having the worst possible things happen to me.
You have no knowledge of what it's like to be Charlotte Reigns.

"No, no you don't dad".

I watched him as he sighed.

"Charlotte, why didn't you go up to the stage with me? Our Pastor was willing to pray for anyone who was going through something. Why didn't you join me?"

"I don't know".

I do know. I wanted to look perfect like the others who sat in their seats instead of going up on the stage.

"Anyways, the main thing I wanted to talk to you about is therapy. And I know, you don't want to go, however just please go. It'll be beneficial for you."

I looked at him in the eyes and witnessed how dreadful they looked. They didn't have the usual glow they usually shared with everyone who looked into them. I noticed how tiring they were. I caused this. All I wanted was to make my dad proud of me. I never wanted to hurt him. So if going through with therapy was what he wanted from me, Then I'll be willing to go.

"Okay, I'll go".

"Thank you".

He got up, wiped the tears from my face, and embraced me in a warm fatherly hug that told me he forgave me.