Klein Art Online

I Almost Get Eaten by a Pig

Kirito's P.O.V

I quickly walk away from the guy named Klein. He had seemed like a pretty normal guy until he started spazzing out. What the hell was his problem?

And I can't believe the fucking bastard had the nerve to ask my name! The thought made me cringe.

That mother trucker, asking me all those personal questions. Who does he think he is? The next time I meet that little shit I--

Before I could continue silently cursing him I was cut off by a very girly scream.

Wow, I wonder if someone needs help. Maybe Klein was just stabbed. Ugh, but I just got new shoes. What if they get dirty? Besides, he'll just re-spawn if he dies. I continue walking towards the city. It wasn't my problem what happened to that donkey.

"Kirito, HELP MWE!"

What is that fuck nugget's problem?!

Mentally sighing, I turn around and survey the problem. Klein was standing about 100 yards away, facing a...pig? Da fuck?

This dude has serious problems. I sigh, deciding I should probably help him before he calls the police or something. I don't want to get in anymore trouble with them.

I pick up a rock and slowly start walking towards the pig. Well, both of them to be exact.

Klein hears me coming and flips around, running behind me. He then proceeds to wrap his fucking salami arms around my neck and screamed, "K-k-kill it!!"

"I can't kill it if you're on top of me..." I mutter, elbowing Klein in what I hoped was the stomach. With a satisfying yelp he fell off me onto the ground.

"Ouch, what was that for?!" Klein yelled.

I sighed "Just shu- be quiet or I'll let it eat you." That shut him up.

Surprisingly the pig was still just standing there. It was probably just as stupid as Klein. Lifting my arm, I chucked the rock I was holding at the hog thing. Upon impact it fell backwards and shattered into little weird pieces of light or whatever happens when things die in this game.

"There. Now if you don't mind I really have to-"

"OHMYGOSH YOU DID IT! Wow Kirito you're so cool!! Well, I mean, you were always cool but, but, THAT WAS AWESOME!" Klein started jumping up and down in front of me.

What did I do to deserve this?

x-x-x-x-x

~Klein's P.O.V~

"Please stop following me." Kirito says.

"But I have nowhere else to go and you just saved my life, I can't just leave without repayin you."

Kirito stops walking and sighs. "You can repay me by going away." 

We had been aimlessly walking around the town for about an hour. Well, more like I have been followin Kirito around for an hour. I can't just abandon him without repayin him for saving my life. That would go against gangster code. 

Suddenly Kirito stops right in the middle of the fucking road, and I almost bump into his, uh, rather attractive backside. 

"Well, if you're not going to leave me alone, I guess I'll just have to log out," He grumbles. 

"WHAT?!" I scream. I grab his (beautiful...wait why the hell am I thinking that) hand, but he snatches it away and opens the glowing menu screen. At least, I think it's the menu screen. Do I even know how to get out of this game myself?

"Kirito wait!"

He glances up at me, waiting for me to proceed. I take a shaky breath. "Uhm, I...don't really know, uh, how to exit the game." I look away, embarrassed. This is SO unmanly. 

Kirito sighs, walking over to me. "How do you not know? Just, like, click the air and it'll pop up."

I put my hand up, touching the air, and surprisingly the game menu pops up in front of me. This game is so fucking weird. "Okay well where it the log out button?"

"What do you mean where is the log out button? Just look at the bottom of your screen!"

I look everywhere, but there is no such button to be found. "Kirito, there's no FUCKING BUTTON. Do you even know what--wait, wait. There's a message scrolling across the bottom of my screen."

Kirito glares at me. "Well what does it say, you fuc--uh, jerk." 

"Hold on, hold on I'm not a very good reader." I stare confusingly at the screen. Maybe I shouldn't of dropped out of High School after all. "Okay it says, Ho ho ho ho HO fuckers. If you're looking for the log out button, HA, you're not going to find it. Why? Cause I removed it! Good luck getting out of the game now, you little shits!"

"What the heck?" Kirito stares at me like I had just read one of Hitler's speeches. 

How to hell would I know? Suddenly, without warning, Kirito disappears into thin smoke. "What the--KIRITO?? Oh god, this is a joke isn't it? How am I suppose to log out?" Before I can start running around frantically, a bright light flashes, and I find myself in the middle of town surrounded by thousands of people. 

Kirito is at my side, and looks at me. "Well fuck."