Chapter 18

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"Just try please for me" Daeva begs as she sits on the bed. For the past hour she has been trying to get me to practice this spirit magic and Jasper has been changing the position of the dolls to take their watching eyes away from us. I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates those things and think they are watching us. "What would I even try and do?" I ask "get in my mind" she replies and I shake my head "no, that's crazy" I state "you have my full consent" she responds "just sit down in front of me and focus" she continues as she pulls me to sit on the bed in front of her "okay, now hold my hands, close your eyes and imagine yourself in my mind" she says and I do, I hold her hands, I close my eyes and I try to imagine myself in her mind, like Asmodeus is in mine. No. "I can't do it, it's just wrong and an invasion of privacy" I sigh "focus" she snaps and we try again. How is this even supposed to work. Okay. Focus. She wants you to do this, it is consensual. Imagine I'm in Daeva's mind. Imagine I'm in Daeva's mind. Imagine I'm in Daeva's mind. My skin begins to burn and my whole body tingles then everything is black. I'm in darkness "Daeva" I say aloud then I here laughter, it's my laughter and Daeva's, I look around and see us both hiding trying not to get caught when we snuck out into the garden one night at school. A memory. It's working. I hear crying and I look around again, Daeva is a child, hiding under her bed covering her ears and sobbing loudly as her parents argue. I don't want to be in her head anymore, I take a few steps forward and turn around to see what I think is her dreams, a nice white country house and children playing outside as Daeva, all grown up and wearing a suit walks through the front door "hey hunny I'm home" she sings as she places a briefcase down by the front door "I'm in the kitchen" someone shouts back, wait that's me. Daeva walks up to me and kisses me,wrapping her arms around my waist "how were our little monsters today?" she asks as she still holds me.
This is wrong. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be in her mind. I force my eyes open and see Daeva sat there smiling "did it work?" she asks and I shake my head. "No" I lie,I can't tell her that I know. Can I? No I can't, it's her secret and she will tell me if she wants too. "We can keep trying" she persists "maybe tomorrow, I'm going to get showered and try to get some sleep" I respond as she stands up off the bed "okay, come on Jasper, night Bee" she says as they both leave.
I collect a towel and head for the creepy bathroom at the end of the hall, the toilet and sink were green with a green bath to match that had an overhead shower and a sheer shower curtain, I put the shower on and turn to lock the door. No lock. What bathroom doesn't have a lock? It's okay, don't overthink it the shower is loud enough for people to know i'm in here and I'll be quick, I step into the lukewarm shower still in disbelief and a little hurt that Daeva hasn't opened up to me. Maybe she hasn't opened up to me because it was just a one off dream, we all have weird dreams right? "I know you do" Asmodeus startles me and as I try to wrap the shower curtain around me I slip and fall smacking my head against the taps. "FUCk!" I yell out in pain and the door swings open causing Asmodeus to disappear.
"Jesus Christ" I wince as I lift my hand to my head and feel the blood pulsate from it. "Oh I urm...shit sorry" I look over still sat where I fell and Silas is stood in only his boxers awkwardly in the corner with his hand covering his eyes and his other hand offering me a towel. "I didn't mean to barge in but I heard a bang and..." I cut him off "it's okay" I say standing up and taking the towel, wrapping it around my body. "Are you hurt?" he asks with genuine concern "it's just my head" I say as I climb out of the bath causing us to be close in this small bathroom "if you sit down I will take a look at it" he offers as he removes his hand from his eyes and only now do I realise there is no mirror "I'm sure it will fine" I say as I reach for some tissue to press against my head "you need to wet it" he speaks as he takes a bundle of tissue and runs it under the cold tap, then he squeezes out the excess water and lifts it to my head. "How can you control yourself around blood?" I ask as he presses the damp tissue against my head causing me to wince and press my hands against his body in an attempt to push him away, it was a completely natural reflex, I promise. "I'm sorry" I say wanting to remove my hands but I don't, I leave them there and I feel his soft skin, colder than I expected. He uses both hands to brush the hair from my face and he tucks it behind my ears as his eyes meet mine. His touch warms me despite it being cold and my heart begins to race, I can feel it in my throat as he strokes my cheek. Please don't kiss me. Please don't kiss me. Please don't kiss me. He lowers his face towards mine and I want to but Asmodeus. "I'm sorry I can't, it's not that I don't want to but I need to keep you safe, I need to keep you all safe" I frantically say trying not to stumble over my words. There is silence between us and I shuffle my way past Silas and walk out of the bathroom, back to my room. I slide out of my towel and into a jumper as I climb in between the sheets. I didn't realise I wanted what I wanted but I can't want what I want because of Asmodeus and I will probably never have what I want because I will most likely die trying to get rid of him and keeping the balance between the kingdoms. "Wouldn't life be easier if you just gave in to me?" Asmodeus appears laying beside me, I turn away, ignoring him "I can pretend to be him if that's what you really want" he continues "what I really want is for you to GO AWAY!" I say angrily as I force a pillow over my head pressing it into my ears so I can not hear him if he tries to talk again.

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