Everything I Don't Deserve/Post Malone

•twenty three•

"Ok girl, how did things go last night? Austin was sitting on the steps when we got back. Just kinda grunted at us when we told him goodnight. You know how he is.." Marine giggled as she started working on my makeup.

We had slept until Austin decided the phone calls from Dre were about to escalate to him banging our door down. He was tired and had a stiff neck from the couch that I felt terrible about, and I was... well I was alive. And was able to stomach a couple pieces of toast and a cup of coffee that Austin grabbed me from what was left of the breakfast that had been delivered. I felt better than I had hoped and Austin refused to leave until he had made sure I had at least a few bites in me. He gave me a kiss and whispered love you mouse in my ear and he slipped out the door as Marine was coming in.

"By the grins on both of your faces, I guess things didn't go too badly." She said as I closed my eyes and let her work.

"I was such a mess last night Marine. I made things so much worse. We got in an even bigger fight..."

"Girl! If he so much as.." she started, knowing full well our history and how Austin and I have been fighting lately.

"No, it was nothing like that. I should have just kept my mouth shut. He was so fucking patient and kept doing sweet shit like helping me with my boots.. the whole time I was freaking out on him over something I should have taken a completely different way. I blew everything out of proportion and he was the level headed one for once." I said with a sigh. "I really fucked everything up last night and honestly, I'm glad I didn't really fuck everything up."

"So I guess you didn't really get to talk it out?" She said.

"No. Not at all. We did a little early this morning, my body fully rejected the alcohol about sunrise. We talked for a little bit before we went back to bed. We are going to have an actual, rational conversation about it all tonight. But... we made up.." I giggled, feeling my cheeks turn pink.

"Well thank god, I mean... sometimes that's the best part of an argument." She said with a laugh.

"That was the first time I've ever really had make up sex... It was pretty great though." She and I both dissolved into laughs.

"So did you tell him?" She said with a huge grin.

"Tell him what?" I said peeking my eyes open at her, confused.

"That you love him silly!! You told me last night you loved him. If you didn't then you need to tonight. It will be the best way to really make up with him."

"I told you that?!" I said... I do not remember discussing it with her at all. Shit. I was trashed.

"Yes!" She squealed. "You told me out on the balcony at the bar. You said 'I think I love him' and I KNEW the second you said it there was no 'think' involved. You love him, and if I was a betting woman I would say you have loved him for a long ass time Jordy. You guys have always been so close, and I used to catch Austin staring at you all the time." She giggled, tapping her eyeshadow brush on the pallet before gently sweeping it across my eyelid.

I was suddenly embarrassed, and a little pissed at myself for saying something like that to Marine in the first place. It wasn't that I didn't want her to know or that I was embarrassed about how I felt, it just seemed like something I didn't want to share with anyone else. Austin was the first man I've ever told that I loved. Even he doesn't know that... at least not yet. There was something special about this to me and I just didn't feel right sharing it, not right now. I quickly tried to skate around that question.

"That's kinda what the whole fight was about, him having feelings for me for so long and not telling me. Which now looking back at it seems dumb, but Marine... he was engaged.. everything went so bad.. and it just.. I don't know. It makes me feel guilty." I said with a groan.