The Tragedy of Woodrow

The Trials of Woodrow

"HEY, WOODY," BECKY Sue leered, wetting her plump lips.

"Please don't."

"What do you think of these honey dews." She thrust her chest forward, her ripe nipples tenting her tight pink cardigan.

Woodrow tried to think only of a White Rhinoceros.

"Care for a lick?"

As answer the teenager spun round and ran down the crowded Greenwood High School Hall. He didn't stop until he was safe and alone inside a Boys' Room stall.

That was the fourth time that week alone that Woodrow was tardy for homeroom.

Woodrow tried to think only of a White Rhinoceros.

"Care for a lick?"

As answer the teenager spun round and ran down the crowded Greenwood High School Hall. He didn't stop until he was safe and alone inside a Boys' Room stall.

That was the fourth time that week alone that Woodrow was tardy for homeroom.

Two

"WHY?'

"All boys go through adolescence," Joy muttered round her sandwich later that day at lunch. "It's just you're starting kind of late and it's coming on kind of strong."

"Kind of late? I'm a high school senior, darn it. Anyway, that's not what I meant. What I meant was, why do they do it?"

"Everyone knows that. 'Boy-will-be-boys.'"

"And the girls?"

"Ditto."

"But it's not fair. I try not to think about sex, but they just keep bringing it up to humiliate me."

Joy nodded, "I know exactly how you feel."

"You? You're smart and beautiful! Heck, anyone would be glad to be your friend if you'd give them a chance. I don't know why you even bother to hang with me."

"Believe me, we have a lot more in common than you might think. I've had my share of woes. It got so bad in my old high school that I had to see a shrink and everything. But he set my parents straight on the matter. A few tasteful adjustments, a new high school and now I'm All That. I just needed a little extra-help is all."

"That's what I need too. A little extra-help."

"Glad you asked." Joy opened her palm and straddling her lifeline was a tiny little yellow pill.

"What's that?"

"This is help. One a day and in no time at all your mind will be off girls and onto what's important."

"Is it dangerous?"

"No way. AMA approved. Just picture it¾no more uninvited boners at unseemly times¾no more getting picked on¾no more hiding in the lavatory. It won't hurt you're grades none either."

"Really?"

"On my honor as a girl. In no time flat all the guys will be all over you dying to be your bosom buddy."

"Wow." Woodrow took the small tablet between thumb and finger, pressed it into the hollow of his tongue and gulped it down.

"Tough guy, huh?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "Tough guy."

Three

IT TOOK ABOUT two long weeks, but Joy was spot on. Woodrow found he could think about other things than Girls! Girls! Girls! And it got easier each and every day. By the end of the second month the kids had given up on egging him on. The fact of the matter was they just couldn't seem to get a rise out of him anymore.