Neighbors

Part 11: The Fallout (part 1)

"You sure are. You seem very happy"

Her words hurt, more than I could have imagined. I know that I kissed her, but she made me do it. Her and her stupid mouth. I felt tears, you know that stinging sensation in your nose right before you cry, I need to get out of her. I tried to sound firm but my words came out so quiet.

"I am" One tear fell. "I am happy" I looked away and walked towards the front door. I stood there for a while. "Sorry" I whispered. I do not think that she heard me. I got myself together and went home to my loving husband.

"Where were you?" He asked as I walked in the door, I didn't even have time to close the door until his question was asked.

"Mia's. I told you that" I was tired, so tired. I just wanted everything and everyone to go away.

"Well, you were there a long time. What happened?" He was insecure, I knew that. I know that he wondered if I thought about other people I never had, not until... Well, not until Mia.

"I asked about the dynamic and if it felt like cheating. I apologized and we talked some more" I say with no emotion. I am not lying.

"You asked those questions? You were just supposed to apologize" He's not angry, he is annoyed.

"She didn't want an apology. She wasn't uncomfortable or ashamed" I wondered what that would feel like. To not be ashamed, not constantly uncomfortable, not feeling like you are doing the wrong thing.

"No surprise coming from those kinds of people" He almost spat the words out. I liked Reece and Mia. They had been kind and caring, they were welcoming and warm and soft and so... I stopped myself.

"Yeah, guess you're right" I didn't have any fight left in me anymore.
"We can't be around them. We can't let the kids around them. They have to be protected from that kind of lifestyle" The kids loved Reece I thought and they had really taken to Mia. Mia made them feel seen and treated them as real people.

"You're right" I mumbled. "Ben, I think I am getting a headache. Is it ok if I go to bed for a while?"

"Sure, I got the kids. You go" I went upstairs and layed on the bed. I looked at the ceiling. Dread washed over me like cold water. What had I done? I must have been laying there for hours because all of a sudden Ben entered and I realized that it was dark outside. He took a shower, and I undressed and got into bed.

When he finished his shower he joined me in bed. He put his arm over me and started to touch my breast.

"Ben, my head is killing me" I said lying through my teeth. I felt 100 miles away. Like I was no longer in my body but a spectator using my eyes as a window to an unknown world.

"Baby please, you rested all afternoon and you feel so good" His hands are at the waistband of my pajama pants. He has never really asked me in this way. I feel bad, no, guilty. He had taken care of the kids all afternoon and I had kissed a woman and lied about why I had isolated myself. I couldn't feel my body. All of a sudden I was a piece of meat. I never saw myself as that, I shouldn't... I shouldn't feel like that, he loves me. I feel him putting his hands in my pants, I feel him touch me. He is hard against my back. It is too late to stop him I guess. He takes a hold of my shoulder with his free hand and turns me so that I am on my back and starts to kiss my neck. I think he can feel that I am not getting wet, I had this problem sometimes, so he removed his hand and spit in it before continuing. My body was still numb but I was well aware of what was happening. He started to whisper sweet nothings in my ear, it felt mechanical, like he just thought this was what you were supposed to do... I don't think Mia was like this, or Reece. I ruined it with Mia, I knew that she wouldn't forgive me, I wouldn't forgive me. As the thoughts of Mia rushed through my mind he pushed into me. He hadn't even bothered to remove my pants all the way, they were around my ankles and now acted as restraints. He didn't face me, his head was in the crook of my neck and sometimes he pushed himself up to use more force but then he just looked at the headboard. It was a good thing, I didn't have to pretend. I didn't moan, I let out some sounds but they were from the discomfort. You can spit on a hand but that won't make you wet.

He went on for about 10 minutes, but it felt longer. As soon as he came he just kind of rolled off me. He didn't kiss me, he didn't try to cuddle me, he just went to sleep.

"That was really nice, baby" He said, facing away from me. The audacity was astounding. That was not nice, that was sad. I didn't cry, I just pulled my pajama bottoms up and looked at the ceiling. I didn't sleep. I felt worthless, I really was just a piece of meat. I wonder if this is what sex is to married people, maybe this just happens sometimes. The thought didn't give me any comfort.

After hours spent just staring at one small black spot on my ceiling I decided that I didn't want to be in bed with this man. I walked out to the hallway and into Chris' room, I knew that I wouldn't wake her. I accidentally caught a glance of Mia's house... I had to walk out to the hallway again, I put my hand over my mouth and sobbed.

A/n: Hi I just wanted to say that I am very greatful for all of your encouragement. I didn't know people on the internet could be this nice, I guess it's this specific fandom. I just wanted to say thanks ❤️

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