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the carnival lights are all around me / the heat of the summer night is stifling / but the air is thick with excitement and laughter / i’m supposed to be having the time of my life / but all i can think about is how i wish i was somewhere else /
somewhere quieter / somewhere calmer / home /
but what do i mean by “home”?
is it a place / or a feeling?
is it what i want / or something else entirely?
i don’t know / but i’m tired of not having it /
the lights of the rides flash in front of me / a dazzling show of colors / the smell of burnt popcorn & roasted nuts drifts through the air / children run past me / laughing & shouting as they play games / they seem so happy / so at ease / but all i can feel is a strange sort of detachment / it’s like i’m watching myself from somewhere else / like i’m not really here / is this what summer is supposed to feel like? i want to be able to enjoy all of it / but my mind can’t stop thinking about leaving / but i don’t even know where i want to go /
where is home?
is it a tangible place / or merely a fleeting idea?
how do i get back to it if i have no idea where it is?
maybe “home” is nothing more than just an illusion / sometimes i wonder if life is a game of chance / like the carnival games we played / you throw a ball / you throw a dart / you roll a wheel / and hope you end up with a prize / but sometimes / no matter how hard you try / no matter how much you believe / you can still end up empty handed. and that’s what life feels like to me right now / like one of those carnival games that you just can’t seem to win /
the bright colors and loud sounds of the carnival should be a comforting distraction / but instead they all seem fake / like a cheap imitation of how life is supposed to be / everyone’s wearing flashy / happy masks / but all i can see are the cracks in the facade / i want to run away / to run far away from this place of pretend and falsehood / but I’m trapped here / stuck in this summer haze of disappointment and confusion /
i just want to go home / but what does “home” mean to me?
