𝕷𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 | 𝕵𝖆𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖗 𝕳𝖆𝖑𝖊 𝖃 𝕺𝕮

4. Grievances.

____

DENIAL. 

It's a natural thing, a human thing. 

After leaving her home, Trixie walked around Forks, remembering the moments in her life that she was strangely grateful for experiencing; because these were the memories that made her human. 

When she had first turned, she had just accepted that this was now her life, this is where the consequences to her actions had led her - there was no use in denying the inevitable. 

How could she deny an Immortal life when she was living one?

There was never any use in denying the nature of her existence. 

Denial was a stranger to Trixie, it always had been. Denial was a stranger as much as Death was considered a close friend. Death had held her in its cold embrace, while Denial evaded her as if she were the sun and it, the moon, the two never meeting, but one always following the other. 

People say there are stages to Grief.  First would come Denial, second - Anger, third - Bargaining, fourth would be the most familiar to her of all, Depression, the very thing that shrouded over her for years and then finally Acceptance, arguably the strongest of them all. 

Trixie knew that somewhere within her she was grieving her life.  Not necessarily her humanity, but the things that made her human; she could no longer enjoy the sour bite of the green apples that acted as her breakfast, or the warm taste of tea that would warm both her hand and her insides while it sat within her favourite mug, or the comfort of a hot chocolate on days where she felt sad. 

Trixie lived life going through the motions, which some could argue that in reality it's no life at all - but to her it was comfortable, after having what could be described as a hard childhood in England, Trixie aimed to live life comfortably in Forks, she saw no need to attempt to find the joys that life had to offer when really, she didn't care about life to begin with. 

Not that she wanted to die, but considering the numbness that shrouded over her, she didn't really care anymore about what happened around her, she didn't have the energy. 

But now she had Dahlia, she had the Cullens, she had a reason to care about how she lived. She had the energy. 

Sure she couldn't enjoy the comforts that she had in regards to her food or drink anymore, but she still had her photography, she still had her music - all the parts of her that were really the most important, she got to keep. 

Vampirism would allow her to see nature differently, a lot more beautifully, she would be able to listen to music, nothing about her new life would change the habits that she loved. 

But since she didn't feel Denial about her new life, Trixie wondered if Anger would pay her a visit. 

 It did. But not in the way she'd thought. 

Her anger was brief, on the slow walk back the Cullens', Trixie observed the same drunks that had attacked herself, Dahlia and Jasper that night - she felt the rage build within her as she allowed herself to follow them. 

She released that anger when she following them into the very parking lot that she was in, many months ago, a girl in the same place she stood, feeling the things that Trixie would have done - fear. 

Trixie stalked forward, the men had their backs to her but the girl faced her completely, tears falling from wide blue eyes. 

Trixie placed a finger against her lips - a silent gesture for the girl to be quiet. 

She grabbed the two closest to her; bashing their skulls together, she dropped them carelessly onto the ground, the thuds alerting the remaining six, who turned to see what the source of the noise was.