Beyond Captivity

Cars

Nerissa's Pov

“What about elephants?” Nikos asks with such excitement that can flatter any toddler. 

“Yes, yes! And I can also draw a panda.” Leo told him. 

This is the first time he's having a proper conversation with anyone that's not Jake and me. These people made him feel comfortable enough to speak. Or maybe the ducks were the key.  

Nonetheless, I loved seeing this change in him. It's a sign that we still have a normal life ahead of us. Jake couldn’t destroy us to the extent we couldn't be pieced together again. 

I suddenly tune out of their conversation when I feel a nausea creeping up my throat. I halted in my steps and inhaled deeply, hoping it's just in my mind. But then I felt another wave. 

“Nessa, are you okay?” Andreas asked worriedly. 

He was the only one who stayed behind with me as everyone else was busy listening to my baby's rambling. 

“Where's the bathroom?” I asked, trying to keep my mind off of what I'm feeling. 

“It's-” 

“Show me!” 

When I placed a hand on my mouth he understood what it was. He didn't say a word and rushed to the bathroom making sure I was following behind. 

I only gave him enough time to grab a hold of Lily as I shoved her in his arms and ran inside the bathroom. She immediately started crying, startled by the sudden movement or the unfriendly face of her uncle. 

I knelt down and puked my guts out. Among all the things that came out of me, tears of fear were also one. I knew what this meant and I couldn't digest the truth. 

I clutched my stomach as my body suddenly felt so weak. I was standing on the same road that always kills me by a millimeter. A part of me dies when this happens. 

I become more of a person living for little humans than the one who once had dreams for herself. 

I spat in the toilet and flushed it making sure I didn't accidentally leave any stains behind. I stood in front of the sink and looked at the person in the mirror. I couldn't see even the remnants of the girl I lost along the journey. 

My stomach flutters with the same feeling I'm trying to ignore so it doesn't become a reality. I can't do this anymore. My life is already messed up enough. 

I cleaned my mouth and splashed some water on my face to freshen up. The cold liquid made my brain pause the flood of thoughts ruining my life. 
 
Everything’s gonna be fine. It's nothing I haven't done before. 

But why does it seem more difficult now? 

Because I had three kids already. I can barely manage to give my existing ones a good life. I don't even know how I'm gonna manage if my family suddenly decides they don't want us anymore. 

How can I take on more responsibilities? 

When my hand grasped the door knob, I finally realized I had left all three of my kids in care of strangers who I just met less than three days ago. 

But when I pulled open the door, my worry instantly drops. I see Lily intently watching something on Andreas' phone as he holds it up for her. Old tears slowly drying on her face as she giggles at the cartoon. 

Andreas keeps watching her, holding her with one arm as she keeps jumping and turning in his hold with contentment. 

“Lily,” I try to gain her attention but she ignores me.