Lifeline

The Start of a Solution.

The tears didn't stop; Gray sat in the back with me, trying to get me to breathe, but what he didn't understand it that I couldn't. I had gone from crying to a panic attack, and it was too much.

"Do something," Ash snapped at him.

I didn't hear Grayson respond to Ashton only his voice continually directed at me.

"Come on, Aspen, tell me five things you see."

I couldn't, though, and they didn't understand that. The panic attack didn't stop until well after we got home, but no one tried to move from the car until I had calmed down. When I was finally out of tears, Ashton picked me up, carrying me towards the house. As he made his way towards the stairs I was hoping he would take me to my bed, I just wanted some sleep. We passed my door, and I let out a sound of protest, but that didn't phase my big brother. He just kept on marching down the hall.

Ashtons room. It had been a while since I had been in here and even longer since I slept in his bed. He laid us both down, then, while keeping one arm around me, handed me a glass of water. I took a sip and went to set it down, but his well-known disappearing glare stopped me and stayed etched into his face until I had finished the glass. Satisfied, he took it back and exchanged it for the TV remote. He flipped on a random movie, kissed my forehead, and let out a low whisper. "Sleep, Asp. I am right here for you."

True to his word, he was right there when I woke up, his arm still under me. I grimaced; that had to hurt. He was on his phone and I just laid there wanting him to notice me. After my breakdown, I wasn't sure what to say. When his eyes finally glanced over to check on me, I noticed surprise on his face.

"You're awake?" He brushed a strand of hair from my face.

I looked around until my eyes caught the clock it was 2:00 PM; The boys would be getting home soon.

I didn't want to move, it felt like I was in this bubble where I had my favorite brother back, without having to acknowledge any of the bad stuff.

"Aspen"

Great, leave it to Ashton to always burst my bubble.

"Aspen," he spoke again, a little more stern this time. I buried my head under the blanket in response. I only made it about two seconds in hiding before I was ripped out.

"Come on, Aspen, this isn't over."

"It could be; we could just ignore it and go on like these last few months haven't happened."

I was met with a disapproving look. It was really unacceptable how much my brother could accomplish with just one look.

"You know we can't do that bug."

I tried to give him a disapproving look back, which only resulted in him trying not to smile.

"Aspen there are some things I am going to decide, and then there are some things you and I can work out a solution on."

I could feel my anger at him coming back; he had to ruin this moment.

"Before that sass gets you in trouble, why don't you just listen."

"I'm telling you that you are done hanging out with Kaya and Lilly."

"DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME AT ALL, THEY ARE ALL I HAVE. DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME."

I'm just angry; it's like he didn't listen when I spilled my guts to him a few hours ago. I shoved his arm off me, swang my legs off the bed, and marched towards the door.

"Aspen Elizabeth, you stop right there, young lady. I told you there were going to be some things I decide. In order to make sure you are safe, you will find new friends. Now, I know that makes you anxious, and that isn't my goal, but right now, dealing with your anxiety is better than dealing with your out-of-control attitude."

I was fuming

"Do you want me to be alone, friendless, and a freak forever?"

"Aspen, you know that is not what I want, and I know right now you want your big brother but I have to be your parent first, and I am sorry you can't have both in me at the same time."

I wanted to scream out that I hated him, but a small part of me knew he was trying, so I settled for an angry look on my face instead.

"Now, I want to apologize for not believing you about your anxiety when you told us last year. It is killing me that you have been feeling so alone through all this, but you aren't alone. Aspen, you have five very loving brothers who love yourself more than life itself, and we want to help."

The pain on his face was back.

"Tell me how we can help."

The question threw me off. I had never thought past, just trying to get my brothers to believe me.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know." For the first time in a while, I gave Ash the honest answer on the first try.

"Bug, please." There he was, begging again.

"When I know, I'll tell you."

With that, I turned and headed down the hall towards my room. I needed to process everything that had happened that day.