Two crossing paths

part 20: a conflicted diagnosis of a sweet illness

2 A.M.

The ticking of the clock bothered his ears, echoing in the silence. No conversations, no traffic, just the sound of his own thoughts. His mind was restless, engaged in an inner dialogue with his fictional wise character. Adam had a few “Adamtons,” just as Anne had her “Annettes.” He often teased her, asking which Annette was in charge at any given moment. He grouped her moods into a whole cast of personalities—probably 20 or more.

There was the sweet Annette, who sought beauty in everything, yearning for flowers, pretty decorations, or elegant dresses. Then, the sensitive Annette, waiting for just the right words to make her cry, or provoking him if he didn’t say them. An impulsive Annette would make decisions in haste, without discussion or second thoughts. A Stubborn Annette—actually five of them, at least—would hold onto those impulsive choices, convinced they brought relief. There was an anxious Annette, overwhelmed by the smallest of issues, and an avoidant Annette, who sought independence and freedom by disconnecting from everyone. The social Annette would chatter endlessly, enjoying the company when she felt safe, while the romantic and needy Annettes danced in harmony. One craved care, hugs, and affection; the other wanted to be flirted with and told how gorgeous she was, to hear "I love you" repeated a thousand times.

Adam, by contrast, didn’t feel he had as many “Adamtons.” He could probably count four or five, and in moments of inner conflict, he always turned to the rational, old Doctor Adamton for guidance.

Adam “ why is it that I feel uncertain about her in terms of religion and beliefs? , something icks me “

Dr.adamton “ and what exactly you can say you have seen about her that made you uncertain ?”

Adam “ im afraid she is too open minded or culturally detached being affected by the foreign experiences she had , she is talking to them at home in a foreign language , she reads only foreign books with different cultural perspectives all can share anything in common but having an Islamic point of view. “

Dr.adamton “ your uncertainty is just anxiety driven by fear . she also maybe just speaking to her siblings in the language they are used to communicate with over the years , maybe her perception of books is different than you think , she doesn’t get too focused on the words and beliefs of the author rather than the idea which can be analyzed by her actual Islamic mind . “

Adam “ but I have also noticed sometimes she skips prayers and keeps talking to me and I have to remind her multiple times, she doesn’t want to talk about our future as much as about emotional words of expression and affection , she also touched me and held my hand as we were talking and it made me uncomfortable but I liked it to be honest and I feel disgusted that I allowed myself to touch her “

Dr.adamton “ woo. Easy young lad. Well these are heavy accusations. It is unacceptable if she is easy to let go of prayers I understand but if god forbid it was true who are you to judge a sinner? Didn’t she tell you to go pray before and reminded you as well ?, haven’t you seen your father or mother get preoccupied with something that makes them miss prayers ? why didn’t you judge them? Don’t allow your mind to be drifted to judgement . the rational explanation is that she is preoccupied with you . you can choose to judge her but your idea wont define her faith . it is only in your mind . remember all the good signs , she reminds you to read azkar and you barely did , she reminds you of fasting Mondays and Thursdays and you barely did. You yourself forgot and missed prayers sometimes it didn’t define who you are or your ambitions religiously you can judge her and be a bad man or keep reminding her and be a gentleman she will keep reminding you as well ,use what you have to complement what's missing better than judging its absence. as for her much romantic talks , she is emotionally invested in you because she loves you . yes you are trying to be more realistic and rational wanting to know the family and her life and the details that will help you actually succeed in making this project of marriage work flawlessly yet for it to happen you need to work on her emotional needs as well , you need to know exactly what your future wife's needs are . these are not an accessory these are essential for the success of the relationship. Be patient with her and show her actually how would you take care of these emotions as her man. make it balanced and know her from all the corners not just the practical ones. “