A girl who wanted to be loved.
A boy who knew the power in His love.
Lilian Walker has always wanted to be cared for, to be loved by those around her. Her parents' constant absence had turned her into the epitome of her feelings: a girl with an awfu...
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It's been about 1,095 days since that Wednesday. Today's a new Wednesday, though, so I try to push away any thoughts about that October 18.
Today's a new Wednesday.
Today's a new day.
My school's a short walk from home, so I make it back in time to get ready for service later even though I don't really feel like going. It's funny how even after all this time, there are still times when I don't feel like going to church. But, as Pastor Vacendak had told me before leaving that Sunday, it's in times when we desire being with God the least that we should be with him even more.
So that's what I try to live by now, remember when I feel like putting my faith on the back burner.
I take a t-shirt out of my wardrobe and change, scrolling for a while on my phone before going downstairs to find my mom. She's on the back deck, staring out at something that looks a whole lot like nothing. It's at times like these when I wonder how she's really doing in comparison to what she tells me. We tend not to share our feelings, less because of its discomfort but (at least in my case) to protect each other. I see how she gets when she sees other families on the street, whole and radiating so much love and pure elation that it's palpable. But we are whole. We will be whole, as soon as we both stop taking glances at the past. When Lot's wife looked back, she turned into a pillar of salt, after all.
Maybe we just need to forget it all. That sounds delightful.
I open the back door and tap her on the shoulder. "I'm ready, mom. We wouldn't want to be late, now would we?", I tease her. She shakes her head and chuckles, dark, tight curls jumping slightly.
"Okay, Pastor," she eyes me. "I didn't realize you made personal requests."
We enter her 2017 Jeep Patriot, me on the driver's side and my mom in the passenger seat to my right. It's always been like this, since I learned how to drive last summer.
My mom's hands are usually knotted after her shifts at the nursing home, so I don't mind at all giving her a little reprieve.
As I start the car and back out the driveway, I see her lay her head on the seat belt pulley and am caught in a sudden wave of gratitude that she's still here with me, that the Lord's worked through her to make sure that I know who He is. His never ending love, nonetheless.
I'm pretty awful with emotions, but these I know for certain.
━━･❪ ☾ ❫ ･━━
Service is divided between the youth and adults tonight. As a leader in the former department, we start with praise and worship, followed by a short sermon on focusing on God while managing high school, and end with a concerningly competitive game of musical chairs.
By the time me and my mom leave, it's already nearing 8:30. I go over a mental list in my head of all the work I may have needed to do tonight while simultaneously vexing my mom on what she'll make for dinner. She pretends to be annoyed but I can see the joy underlining her words, the slight upward tilt at the corner of her lips, characteristic of how alive and at peace fellowship with other believers can make you feel.
━━･❪ ☾ ❫ ･━━
ִֶAuthor's Note: Thanks for all the support lately ^^. Give me some time to figure out a regular update schedule, which I plan on being twice a week. I hope yall enjoyed finding out a little more about Johnny :)
