poems by me

between mirrors and shadows

I stare at the mirror far too long,
Hating the curves where they don't belong.
This body that holds me, betrays me with form,
A chest I can't hide, no matter how warm
The binder wraps tight, suffocating hope,
Yet the weight of it all makes it harder to cope.

I sound like a girl, I look like one too,
No matter how much I try to break through.
I'm trapped in this skin that doesn't feel mine,
And I wish, just once, the world would align.

If I lost the weight, maybe they'd see—
Maybe then, my chest wouldn't smother me.
Maybe then, they'd like who I am,
Maybe I wouldn't feel like a lamb
Led to slaughter by eyes that don't care,
About the truth of the person standing there.

I don't eat sometimes, hoping to shrink,
Hoping the mirror will let me rethink
The person I see, the one I detest,
But the truth is, I'm never at rest.

I do everything to make others smile,
I bend and I break, I walk every mile
To be what they want, to fit in their view—
But what about me? What should I do?
How can I fix myself, make myself whole,
When I'm not the daughter my mother calls soul?

She wanted a little girl, but I was never that,
And now I'm lost in this skin that doesn't fit flat.
I ask myself, "How can I be appealing,
When I can't even name what I'm feeling?"

But I'm still here, caught in between—
A body that's wrong, a truth I can't wean.
How can I make me more likeable, more true?
When I'm just trying to be someone I never knew.