The Girl Who Chased Stars

XXV

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THREE WEEKS LATER.

"Amy? Hon, I'm going to visit your mother. Do you wanna ride along?"

My father peeks his head into my bedroom, and stares at me sympathetically. "No thank you," I say dully. I roll over and pull the covers tighter against my body and I can feel my father watching me silently, probably trying to find a nice way to tell me to get my ass out of bed.

"Honey...You haven't left this bedroom in a week. You're mother misses you, I miss you. Even your sister is asking me why you haven't called her up at college."

"That's cool news, Dad. Thanks for that."

I know that my comment will anger him. I know he'll probably swallow it and leave my room, too frustrated to try and yell at me.

And then he does.

And I'm left alone again, with my underbrush hair and wrinkled pajamas from yesterday. I probably smell terrible. Hell, I probably look terrible.

When I hear my dad's car pull out of the drive, I stumble out of bed and check my phone.

Twelve missed messages from Wolfe, two from Paris, Two from mom, and none from Skai.

Why would you leave me like this? I wonder, Why would you disappear off the face of the Earth, and not even bother to tell me?

Angrily, I fling my phone at the bed, and look down at the book laying open on my dresser. Part of my Skai-rehabilitation was reading and re-reading every sad book in my library. It probably isn't good for me, but It helps me get out my frustration.

I also throw the book across the room.

Fuck it.

Fuck everything.

I reach under my pillow, and grab the pack of Marlboro Lights I've hidden there.

My mom would break my nose if she ever found out that I had taken up smoking, but honestly I've decided that I don't care.

As I walk into the backyard and light up, I feel a raindrop hit my neck. The storm clouds above my head seem ironic. So ironic in fact, that I laugh unemotionally.

"You know," I say to no one in particular, "There's this book I once read. A boy fell in love with this fuck up of a girl-"

I take a long hard drag from the cigarette.

"-And then she dies, because apparently living just wasn't good enough for her. So once she's gone the boy says to her, 'You can't just make me different and then leave.' and he says, 'You left me stuck in your goddamned labyrinth' and that's what you just did to me. Skai. What the hell am I supposed to do without you? I can't go back to being nothing. I can't go back to being the girl who pretends to live by hiding behind book covers."

The air grows thin, and more rain falls as I continue talking to my ghosts.

"I can't be that girl again."

"Then...don't be."

The deep voice scares me, and I drop the cigarette quickly, trying to smush it into the ground with my foot.

Wolfe appears almost magically, standing before me in damp clothes, his bangs plastered against his forehead from the drizzle.

"I understand that you're broken up about Skai, but so am I. And not only did she disappear from my life, but now it feel's like you are too, Amy. You both just kind of abandoned me."

His sudden confession brings me to tears, and I'm crying more than I think I should be.

"I'm sorry."

Wolfe steps forward, and wraps his arms around me. "It's okay. It's okay."

"I don't even know what happened." I ramle, "She just left us. Why would she just leave us?"

Wolfe holds me, and the only think I can think about is how pathetic I must seem. So cliche, so stupid. Just your typical heart-broken maiden doing nothing but sobbing and wondering why.

"This is Skai, Amy. You know her just like I do. She's unpredictable."

I pull away from Wolfe, and light another cigarette, pulling hard on it. Now that I know it's just Wolfe watching me, I give up on caring about being caught smoking.

"Can I get one?" He asks me weakly.

I give him a light, and we sit there for a moment, just watching the rain and smoking our cigarettes. After a moment of silence Wolfe turns to me. "Do you love her?"

"I did. But, you know, you can't love what isn't here."

"Amy, she might come back. We don't know where she is. Maybe her mom pissed her off, maybe she needed to escape. Maybe she wanted to Let off some steam."

"It's been three weeks. Wouldn't she at least call me?"

Wolfe grows silent, and blows out some smoke.

"so. You started smoking, I see. Thought you didn't approve."

I laugh once, sharpy, and then nod. "Yeah, things change, I guess..."

"Yeah..." Wolfe nods, and finishes off his cigarette. Once it's good and done, he flicks the butt into the yard, turns to me and pulls me into his arms again. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. I'm glad I have you, honestly. I shouldn't have ignored you."

"It's alright. But I have to go. Can you promise to call me tomorrow if you're feeling bad?"

"I'll call you no matter what."

Wolfe smiles softly, and shoves his hands into his pocket. "I'll see you then, I guess."

I nod, and run a hand through my soaked hair as he hops over the fence.

"Bye, Amy."

"Bye, Wolfe."