Squib On The Run (sequel to Squib In The basement)

17. The Protector

**TW- SA and miscarriages**

Lucius's confession stunned everyone, and they all sat in silence for several moments, until Narcissa felt brave enough to speak.
"What do you mean, you did it because of me?" Questioned Narcissa.
"You remember what things were like for us back then. You remember how many children we lost. So many miscarriages, and so many babies born too soon that were stillborn or didn't survive more than a day. And no matter how many children we lost, we knew we had to keep trying, as our families were desperate for an heir. The pressure they put on us was suffocating... Draco was our little miracle. But at first, we weren't sure whether or not he would survive, since he was so small and weak. Our families couldn't put all of their hopes on him, not at first. They needed us to provide them with a spare, in case the heir died" reminded Lucius.

"I know, I was there. But I still don't see what this has to do with you raping Cassiopeia" said Narcissa.
"Our families needed another child, the Black's in particular needed an heir, as the Malfoy line already had one. But after everything you had been through, I did not want to make you endure another pregnancy. Draco's birth had been traumatic, and I almost lost you both that day. We had lost too many children, and I didn't want you to go through anymore pain, just for an heir. I loved you so much, that I couldn't bare to put you through anymore suffering... Walburga suggested that if Cassiopeia were able to have a son, then there would be no more pressure on you to have another child. She said that if I were the one who impregnated Cassiopeia, then she would personally talk to her brother Cygnus, and get him to stop putting pressure on me and you to have more children. That is why I did, what I did. I did it to protect you" explained Lucius.

"Oh Lucius, you should have told me" sighed Narcissa.
"I didn't want you to know. I thought that me not telling you, was another way to protect you" admitted Lucius.
"I don't need you to protect me. I'm not some fragile little thing" scolded Narcissa.
"You're my wife. It is my job to keep you safe. It is the husband's job to be his wife's protector".
Cassiopeia rolled her eyes, "You two are like two peas in a fucking pod".
"Why do you say that?" Quizzed Narcissa.

"Because I remember you using your miscarriages to try and emotionally blackmail me into rejoining the family. You wanted me to pop out some pure-blood kids, to take the pressure off of you" reminded Cassiopeia.
"That was a very long time ago, and I was a lot younger then. I never should have made you feel bad, and I shouldn't have tried to force you to rejoin the family. My fertility problems were my own, and I never should have tried to make them yours" apologised Narcissa.
"Whatever... I suppose you think that Lucius did nothing wrong, now that you know he only hurt me to protect you" mumbled Cassiopeia.

Narcissa shook her head, "No. His reasoning does not excuse his actions. He is still in the wrong".
"I am?" Frowned Lucius.
"Yes, you are... I want you to forget about everything that happened, just for a moment... Just imagine what you would do if I had been in Cassiopeia's shoes. Imagine if we never had Draco, because you were unable to have children. Our families still need an heir from me though. So, it wouldn't have been that obsurd of an idea from my father, to have someone else impregnate me in your place" replied Narcissa.
Lucius shuffled uncomfortably in his seat.

"Imagine if my father, like Walburga, had wanted me to get pregnant by someone else in the family. Imagine if he chose Rodolphus to impregnate me, because you couldn't do it. But I refuse to let Rodolphus touch me, so my father has to drug me, so he can get his way. Now, what would you do if Rodolphus, or any man for that matter, raped me while I was unconscious?" Asked Narcissa.
"I would kill him, and then your father, as it is my job to protect you" answered Lucius.
"Even though Rodolphus was just following orders, so is technically innocent?" Questioned Narcissa.
"I would kill any man who dared to lay his hands on you"
"Exactly. And the situation I just described to you, isn't that far from what really happened to Cass. So, can you see that you are the guilty party, despite the good intentions you may have had?".

"Look, if I hadn't done what I did, then all of our lives would have gotten worse. Ours and Cassiopeia's lives would've been worse without another heir. Who knows how many people Walburga would have forced Cassiopeia to sleep with, if I had refused to do it. And who knows how many more children you and I would have lost in our quest for another heir. I only did what was necessary for the family" insisted Lucius.
"So, you still think that sleeping with Cassiopeia against her will was the right thing to do?" Quizzed Narcissa.
"I do" announced Lucius.

"Does that mean you would have gone along with Walburga's plan, no matter what?" Asked Narcissa.
"Yes" answered Lucius.
"So, if Cassiopeia had been under the Imperius Curse instead, so she was able to witness the entire thing, but unable to fight back, you still would have done it?" Demanded Narcissa.
"I-" started Lucius.
"Or worse. Would you still have done it if Walburga was physically holding Cassiopeia down, while you raped her?".

"I don't-" began Lucius.
"Or what if Walburga had just left it all up to you? Would you have held her down yourself and forced yourself inside Cass, while she kicked and fought back? Would you have raped her while she screamed and begged for you to stop?" Shouted Narcissa.
"No, I-" started Lucius.
"Or what if Cassiopeia had been younger, would you still have done it if she had been three years younger? Or two? Or even one? For she was barely an adult when you raped her. And if your answers to any of these questions was yes, then you really are a monster, and I don't know you at all".

"I don't know, O.K! I don't know what could have happened if things had been different. All I know is, that in this particular situation, ten years ago, this is what I decided to do. And I cannot undo what I did, even if I wanted to" announced Lucius.
"But can you finally understand that what you did was wrong?" Asked Narcissa.
"Yes. I shouldn't have raped Cassiopeia" admitted Lucius.
"Then I think you owe somebody an apology".

Lucius sighed and turned from Narcissa to face Cassiopeia.
"I'm sorry for what I did, and I'm sorry for how I spoke about it earlier. I shouldn't have spoken about something that was so traumatic for you. I'm sorry you suffered because of me, and I'm sorry that we lost our son... Since no one could know that the boy was mine, I was never able to grieve for him. I wish I had been able to see him a few more times before he died. But I tried to distance myself from him, since I knew I could never be a father to the boy. Despite not really knowing him, I still felt pain when he died. And it hurt, because I had to keep those feelings hidden. I guess I buried my true feelings so deep, that over time I forgot about what I did to you, and I forgot about our son. Because it was easier to forget, than remember the pain... This doesn't excuse my actions though. And I am very sorry for how I treated you. I hope you can accept my apology and forgive me" admitted Lucius.

Even though Cassiopeia knew Lucius was an excellent liar and a master at manipulation, she felt that Lucius's apology was actually genuine. And that he really did feel sorry for raping her.
"I guess I can be the bigger person, and accept your apology... However, I can never forgive you for what you did to me, nor will I ever forget what happened between us" announced Cassiopeia.
"That is completely fair" replied Lucius.

"You two have made some excellent progress today, and I'm proud of you both. I'm sure that with a few more sessions like this, you will be able to be in the same room as each other without shouting or throwing things at one another. Maybe then, we can act like a proper family. But until we get to that point, I think it would be best if Draco stayed away. So, I'm going to tell him to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas break. That way you two will have enough time to work out your differences. I'm not expecting you to become friends. I just need you to be less hostile when in each other's presence. Which I don't think is too much to ask for" said Narcissa.
"Happy wife, happy life" mumbled Lucius.
"Good, I'm glad you're on board" smiled Narcissa.

"What makes you think that I'm going to come back here and put myself through this again?" Questioned Cassiopeia.
"Well, you want to be in Draco's life, don't you?" Asked Narcissa.
"Yes, of course" answered Cassiopeia.
"Then you will do as I say, if you want to see him. Because I'm not going to bring him to see you in secret any more. The four of us can be one big happy family, here at the manor. Instead of us sneaking around, keeping secrets from each other. Because that is what is best for Draco. So, what do you say?"
"For Draco's sake, I will give it a go, as I still want to be a part of his life"
"That's all I can ask".