Cherishing 7

I love you, i'm sorry

February 9, 2002

Bellatrix

"So, is this guy your boyfriend?" Lily asks Annabeth before popping her lollipop back into her mouth. I look over at Annabeth as she lays on the grass, eyes closed soaking in the sun beaming down on her. She lets out a sign, and after a minute she opens her eyes and pushes herself up on her elbows looking back and forth between me and lily with a smirk playing on her lips.

"Not yet, but he will be," she says confidently.

I sometimes wish I was her. She is so confident, and can have anyone wrapped around her finger. She likes to have some eye candy on her arm, so she gets a boyfriend for at the most a month. She gets bored, and breaks up with them. They are normally jocks who like her for her body, so I don't really care and feel some relief when she dumps them. Although there was this one hurley player Tommy that was really sweet. He was like a puppy; he followed her around everywhere. He was so upset when she broke it off with him because he was to "clingy." At least that was what she told him and us.

I normally do not care who she dates and dumps, but I do now. I do when the guy she is talking about is Mattheo. Theo.

"Hey, maybe him alone." I say making her look at me confused.

"Uh, why." She says tilting her head making some of her blonde curls fall on her face.

"I mean do you even really like the guy? He is really nice; I just don't want him to be one of your conquests." I say making Lily to look at me confused and Annabeth raising her right eyebrow.

Look I know this seems to be coming out of left field with this. I have not said one word to Mattheo since he walked away on the street in December. In that time, I started to realize how I had become a bad person sometimes. Even though I genuinely love my siblings, friends, Gibsie, my mother with all my heart, there is a really bad part of me that ruins everything. I don't even realize I do it sometimes. Especially with Mattheo, with him I got comfortable in depending on him to help me without me doing anything for him. I have wanted to call him, but I stopped myself because he deserves better.

"Look this guy is different. I mean its Mattheo; I have had my eye on him since first year. Also, why do you care." Annabeth says before squinting her eyes at me, "do you like him?"

"Oh god no," I say out of instinct which makes both of them look at me like they are offended.

"Why do you say it like that? Mattheo is such a catch," Lily says looking at me like I was insane.

"Lily what did I say about saying such a catch, it makes you sound like a grandma." Annabeth says making Lily whip her head around to glare at Annabeth.        

"It does not," Lily says crossing her arms. Annabeth rolls her eyes and sits fully up sitting Criss cross. "Back to our conversation, why do you care Bel?" Annabeth asks.

"He was my best friend from when we were five until this December." I say messing with my jeans wanting nothing more than to run.

"What happened?" Lily asks sitting closer to me. I let out a sigh and just say I am selfish. Lily looks at me confused before wrapping her arm around my shoulder.

"Being selfish isn't always a bad thing," Annabeth says in a way to make me feel better. It doesn't. I was selfish with him because he was the only one, I felt like I could be selfish with. I understand why he walked away and never came back. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you and not what is best for everyone else. I just wished I realized how selfish I was with him, before it got to the point where he had to leave.

"Whatever, just do not go after him unless you are serious about him." I say pleading her with my eyes. She gives me a nod, before switching topics.

----------

I make it home to screaming. I look in the kitchen to see dad screaming in Shannon's face calling her a whore like her mam. I see mam hunched over in the corner watching. Just watching. I feel a wash of anger go through me. Maybe this is just the last straw, but it doesn't matter I am just so angry. Before I know it, I am standing between Shannon and our dad.

"Who you calling a whore!" I shout shoving my finger in his face. A flash of pure hatred crosses his face and he glares down at me.

"Who do you think you are?" He says stepping closer to me.

"Your daughter, bitch." I say shoving him. Which maybe isn't the best choice of words or actions, but I have no regrets. I have been cautious for too long. Before I know it I am holding my face after he socked me.

"You feel like a man now? Huh? Does hurting kids make you feel better?" I say snarling. Mam's eyes go wide and she retreats more into herself. Shannon grabs my shoulder and whisper, "come on don't anger him further." I shake her off before shouting huh at his non-response. That is when his hand wraps around my neck tightening making my air ways close leaving me gasping for air. I try to pull his hands away, but they don't budge. My eyes water making me feel terrified. Long gone is the anger and now is replaced with fear. My vision starts to blur and I look over at mam and when our eyes meet, she looks away quickly leaving my life in my father's hands. I faintly hear Shannon yelling, but everything sounds like it is underwater. Just when I think I am about to go unconscious he drops me. I take a deep breath thinking one day he is going to kill me.

Note: How are we feeling? Sorry, I have been busy so I haven't been able to update.

I love you, I'm sorry by Gracie Abrams- Bellatrix to Mattheo

The comment: "I know I can tell you anything you won't judge your just listening"

Bellatrix to Mattheo. Joey and Mattheo. Mattheo to John