Superficial Love Chic. Nick J Robinson

two

"i never should of fell in love, i knew better."

• + •

12:43am

two weeks later i wake up from a nightmare, my hands grasping for a figure to hold onto. but things weren't like that anymore. best friends don't sleep on the same bed anymore, they only care about their girlfriend's happiness.

"i miss you nick." i whisper to the cold air filled with his absence, hoping, praying to something he would care.

it's been a month since they've started dating. and that's when i have experienced true loneliness. you know this when it's the end of the day and you have many things to say but no one to tell them to.

the kind of loneliness you just have to get used to. it's so heartbreaking that it doesn't phase him that we don't talk anymore. it's like i dont even cross his mind anymore. it's like he doesn't even care.

because he doesn't.

• • •

10:44am

i pulled my curtains open to let the bright light shine through. wishing that maybe he thought about me too last night, and maybe he misses me too. maybe he remembered about me and cared a about me.

but when my eyes fixed upon the window, he wasn't waiting for me, and he was not alone. he was with anatasia, making her laugh.

and it killed me inside, because i knew that girl should be me.

i sigh and close my curtains too, letting the darkness surround me. it's like depression all over again, it's like losing colour in your world, being trapped in a room full of blackness and choking on everything's absence when everything outside of you is full of life and colour enjoyed with everyone's presence and frolicking in the morning sun.

it's losing the only person who could ever understand you.

i lay in my bed in silence, just staring upwards at the unmoving fan, feeling my heart continue to break and my eyes begin to water.

i remember when he asked me if it was okay that he'd spend his friday nights with her. the implication he was going to spend more time with her, and eventually, leave me. i said that it was okay.

i lied. him leaving me wasn't okay and it will never be okay. but he lied to me too. he made promises to me that will never be kept. those promises vanished into thin air just like how our forever did. when he left me, he took everything...
it know it's foolish that im still pathetically in love with him. for letting those three blissful words slip through my lips and into the dark lonely air longing to reach him.

but how can I move on when he still has my heart and his voice still resonates throughout my body and his smile still lives in my eyes and every time my mind wanders it goes directly back to him.

how can i live like this?