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im here, im sitting in the circle on the floor and playing drink or dare. they can all see me, my body is here but my mind is somewhere else, so far gone, on another planet. my eyes didnt leave nick, and even though it was difficult to see him because of the many people blocking the way, my eyes continue to dart around to catch the glimpse of him. to mentally cry about the way his hands move on anastasia's body and the way they dance together perfectly. i watch them dance, so playfully yet so romantic. i watch the love of my whole, damn life dance with the girl of his dreams and the girl of my nightmares.

"stella, stella." jen waves, and saying my name as if shes been calling me for ages. i shake my head quickly and fix my gaze upon her, the bottle in her hand contains a blue liquid and is half empty. her red lipstick is still perfectly stained on her lips, smudgeproof like she had told me before she had her first shot.

"yeah," i say alerted. i pull my fringe back behind my ear as the whiff of alcohol in the centre of the circle engulfs my nose.

"i dare you. to go over there." jen slurs loudly. she points over to the dance floor and i set my eyes there again.

"and kiss nick on the lips." jen dares. she shoots me a smirk which looks a bit more like a sly grin. the whole circle begins cheering and one begins to mix the drinks together as my shot drink, the other option. i shake my head. no kissing, no shots for me. please.

but hoping and wishing gets you no where.

"drink or dare?" jen laughs, a little too sinisterly. i scrunch up my lips, in thought of which to choose. but i couldnt. i absolutely hate alcohol, i may even be allergic to that crap. on the other hand, nick is currently dancing his heart out with stas and having the time of his life i can see, so why the hell would i want to kiss him?

because i love him, yes i do. and if loving him kills me tonight, i was ready from the moment he said hello.

and would losing me even be a loss for him? it wouldnt. im wasting time here, comtemplating if i should kiss him. because i know for sure that i want to do that. i think i would rather suffer consequences than cowardice.

im not going to mock a pain that i havent endured. maybe i love him too much and show it too little. the less i care, the more happier i will be, right? fuck it. im fucked both ways. i have already lost the boy of my life.

"so?" jen says impatiently, raising a brow and tapping her white claw nails on the bottle.

"yeah, dare." i say bravely, my self confidence immediately increasing levels. it feels right, and i feel strong.

i stand up from the circle and look at everyone move up with me as well, sweeping the dust of our clothing quickly.

"lets go," jen says with a toothless grin, cutting through the circle and grabbing my arm swiftly to the dance floor.

she pulls me closer to nick, who is still dancing with stas. i take a deep breath and step closer.

but stas is grinding on nick.

and he likes it.

authors note; hello long chapter but unedited... :)) yall wanted me to update and i thought i should as well. i think the writing style is a little different now, i dont write as i used to. sorry if you dont like it. its late and im trying i promise. love you 69 (its a heart) ha

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