Superficial Love Chic. Nick J Robinson

five

like a tidal wave, it comes on fast and sudden and leaves me trying to swim back to shore.
that minute I finally relax, let go of everything and listen to his heart beat in my mind takes me right back to the one before. the love i had convinced myself was the only one i would need all my life.
i miss him to the point that my body ached.
this would be more profound if it wasn't 3 am.

im never going to make peace with myself, ill never be content with what i have and i wont stop looking for happiness in the same place i lost it.

i remember the first time he held my hand, i dont know if it was cold or the fact i was in love with him but i felt the world rush through my veins.

i remember the first time we met, i cant explain what i saw in him, it was just that he took me to a place no one else could.

the feeling that i wasnt good enough for him to stay continues to break my heart as i simply think of the memories he gave me and that smile that could send me to the moon. i miss all the late night phone calls and morning messages, the drives where he would hold my hand and tell me that i made him happy.

i remember when we spoke about our future waiting, but he still left. he still fücking left. they say only time can heal a broken heart but it's been too long to still feel this much pain.

he could still enter my life a thousand ways and i would still fall in love with him. i wish i was what he wanted. it hurts that he never apologised. he ruined me, and i let him.

i feel used, but im still missing him and i cant see the end of this. maybe the kiss was filled with guilt, maybe thats why i didnt feel anything. did he feel anything? is that why he wanted to tell me something else or did he think i was taking things the wrong way?

what is he thinking? if only i had the answers.

i just wanna feel his lips against my lips with passion and real love. now, all this time is passing by and i still cant seem to tell him how it hurts to see him and realise how much i need him.

i hate that i love him and i hate that i miss him. i dont want to but i cant put anybody else above him. he wants her, he needs her and ill never be her.

does he miss me like i miss him?

i fucked around and got attached to him, i still have the sand in my sweaters from nights we dont remember and now, caution tape around my heart.

friends can break your heart too and though im always so tired, im never of him. i type a text but nevermind that shït.

im looking at my phone thinking, am i going to hit send or nah?

in the morning, it will all be better. then, one day ill wake up and stop being so busy holding on to things im supposed to let go of, so then i may get what i deserve.

im sorry for wanting him who loves my flaws and failures and for wanting him who i feel gave me what i deserve.

i wish he didnt change.

i still hope its going to be us in the end.

an: i was heartbroken as I wrote this but then I found out my crush was single like HELLO
Also Imma stop w those weird intro dots cos they pmo  I cbf LOL