𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍•ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

46

𝚠𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟷𝟼𝚝𝚑

"𝐈'𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇," I mutter, dramatically slouching in my chair as I flip through the pages of a textbook, though I have absolutely no idea what I'm reading. The words are just words, swirling together in a haze of frustration.

Connie snickers next to me, his beanie pulled down low, covering most of his eyes, though his red-rimmed pupils are still visible as he lazily glances at me. "You say that like it's new," he drawls, taking a slow drag from a joint, the smoke curling up toward the ceiling in lazy spirals.

I squint at him, leaning back and letting my head rest against the back of the library chair. "I'm serious. I can't believe how I've been acting lately. I'm practically impossible to talk to."

"Yeah, but you're cute when you're all moody," he teases, blowing out a puff of smoke. "I don't know, Y/N, sounds like you're just in your feelings."

I huff, brushing a hand through my hair in frustration. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I've been so fucking up and down. I swear, I'll act like everything's fine one minute, and the next—boom, I'm questioning my entire existence."

"Sounds like you're in love," Connie says with an exaggerated shrug, and then laughs when I shoot him a glare.

"I'm not in love," I snap, too quickly, but the words feel hollow, even to me. I pause for a moment, tapping my pen against the textbook absently, trying not to think about him. "I'm just... confused. It's been over a month since that aquarium thing, and we haven't talked like we used to. Eren and I, I mean. I don't even know where we stand anymore."

Connie tilts his head, blowing another puff of smoke and then exhaling slowly. "Well, you're not exactly making it easy for him, are you? You shut down whenever he tries to get close."

I groan, dropping my face into my hands. "I know. I fucking know. But it's like... everything's just so complicated now. One minute, we're fine, and the next, I'm wondering if he even wants to be with me or if I'm just some temporary distraction. What the hell are we doing?"

"Sounds to me like you're trying to figure that out on your own," Connie says with a knowing look. "But if you're too scared to ask him, you're just gonna keep stewing in your head. And trust me, nothing good comes from that."

I sit up straighter, narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm not scared of asking him, I just... I don't know what I'd even ask. Like, how do I even approach that? 'Hey, Eren, do you actually like me, or are you just bored?'"

Connie chuckles at the image of me actually saying that, but then his expression softens, like he's realizing the weight of what I've been dealing with. "Look, I'm not gonna pretend I understand what's going on between you two. But if you keep pushing him away, all you're gonna end up with is more confusion. At some point, you gotta just ask the fucking question."

I bite my lip, staring down at the textbook, still not fully absorbing what he's said. The silence stretches between us, broken only by the faint sound of pages turning and the quiet hum of the library.

"Maybe you're right," I say after a while, my voice quieter now. "I just... I don't know what I'm afraid of. What if it's not what I thought? What if he's not... into me the same way?"