The Feels War

Paper Cut - Zedd ft. Troye Sivan*

Now we're staring at the ceiling,

You're so pretty when you're mad.

All that I can hear is breathing,

oh, oh

"You can't just go out and party with some random guy! Don't you know how much that hurts me?!" Ty was screaming at me, we had just gotten home from a club with some of our friends. I could see the hurt, the hatred in his eyes. He was furious, and I couldn't help but marvel at his beauty.

"You shouldn't feel hurt." I watched as he let out a breath, slowly becoming confused over my soft tone. "You know I only love you. That random guy means nothing. I'm sorry."

His eyes flashed again, I could see he was on the brink of forgiving me. His sights were focused on me like I was a demon, an intruder in his home but the emotion behind them made me seem like an angel, his lover in disguise.

"Sorry doesn't cut how I feel." But it was never enough.

And we're stuck inside the silence,

in a cold, cold war.

We're too proud to say we're sorry,

oh, oh

The ride to Jerome's house was silent. Ty was sitting in the front, staring out the window as I sat in the back, watching him like he was an exotic animal, a time bomb waiting to go off. I could hear his imaginary gears turning, see the smoke that left his ears and nose with each perfectly time breath. He was on the brink of breaking, and all I could do was watch from afar.

"Here we are. That'll be twenty." Ty was out of the car before half the sentence was done, leaving me to pay the awaiting man in the driver's seat of the cab.

"You must have really screwed up there, your boyfriend is pissed." I sighed, handing over the money from my thinning wallet.

"You have no idea." My own anger flashed through my system as I watched Ty throw himself in Jerome's arms. I slowly emerged from the car, watching Jerome wrap his arms around Ty, pushing his head into my boyfriend's neck. I closed my eyes slowly, feeling tears well up slightly, before opening them and blinking several times to rid my blue's of them.

Once my tears ducts stopped leaking, I walked up to my friend's door, smiling sadly when Jerome noticed me, "Adam!"

He slowly released Ty who shuffled inside, before coming over to me and giving me a hug as well. I could feel the waves of jealousy and sadness rolling off my back, and I was sure Jerome could too.

Right now it feels like we're bleeding,

So deep that we might not get back up.

Our words will tear through the surface,

Like a paper, like a paper cut.

"What's wrong with you?" Ty asked. We were home now after a few hours of visiting Jerome, both of us sitting on the couch. He was scrolling around on his laptop as I stared at the television blanky.

"Nothing." I waved him off, continuing to stare at the random movie playing. He obviously wasn't having it, setting down his laptop and shifting to face me, his knees tucked under him. I felt his hand push my cheek so I was looking into his eyes, his expression failing to dim the emotions behind them, something I admired.

"Something's wrong Adam. Don't lie to me." I could feel myself growing angry under his stare. He was treating me like a child, something I always hated.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked, waiting for his honest answer. He froze, thinking the question over before shaking his head slowly. I almost sneered in response, standing up to pace around. "You're lying."

That set him off, forcing him to stand in front of me, glaring into my eyes, "No I'm not. I'm not mad anymore."

"Then why are your nostrils flaring?" He froze once again. "Why are you frowning like I kicked a dog, why are your eyebrows pulled together, why are your veins sticking out of your neck?"

"Wha-" I stopped him, glancing down at his lips in reaction to being the close to him.

"I've seen you mad enough to mesmerize what you look like when you're mad. You always look so pretty when you're mad." I flickered my sight back up to his eyes to spot his reaction, seeing the anger melt away in my stare.

Right now, I don't know why I love you,

But by the morning when we wake up.

The feeling of our bodies interlocked in the most special way possible, the feeling of affection and love surrounding us as we shuddered in pleasure against each other. The way his mouth opened in frigid gasps in reaction to my skin, my lips pressed against his neck as I push against him.

The sweat that dripped down his forehead and onto his bare chest when I whispered sweet words into his ears, telling him how beautiful he is and how I love him and only him. I almost felt bad for the neighbors when the bed knocked against the wall, but I also couldn't help but loving that noise, lavishing in it as Tyler gave me praise.

His legs rubbing against my sides, the taste of his skin of my lips. The purple marks that decorated his neck making me swell with pride when I realized that his beautiful man was now claimed as mine. The smell of our sweaty bodies filled the room like a thick fog, our skin glowing in the other's presence.

I'll reach for you and remember,

It was just a paper, just a paper cut.

My heart pounded like I was running a marathon as I sat up, my sheets soaked with my sweat. I whipped my head around, seeing the empty spot next to me. His pillow no longer smelt like him, the bed no longer molded to fit his frail body perfectly. The blankets were shoved off the end instead of piled up with Ty snuggling under them. 

I grabbed my phone, quickly unlocking it to see the man that I still loved had posted a picture. My heart broke as I stared at it. tears trailing down my face. My phone broke next, slamming against the wall as I sobbed. I could never get the image of Ty in a suit kissing his new wife who was dressed in a silk gown, both of their lips curved into a smile. 

(Are you not entertained?)