If He's Happy, I'm Happy; Maybe.

Darkness Hides

I don't know why people hate the dark. The dark is calming, it shuts everything out and gives your mind time to think. However today I was thankful for the dark for many other reasons as well. The pain in my heart of knowing that he loved her and not me was too much; but he was happy so I was happy, maybe. How could she love him like I did? I had given up everything to keep him safe, she did not. I went through unbearable pain to give him a chance of living a normal life; so why was I the one here craving him and never getting him?

My train of thought stopped when he opened the door. "Sherlock?"

"What?"

"Why are you sitting in the dark?"

"I'm thinking, can't I think in peace?"

He turned the lights on and froze when he looked at me. He rushed over and knelt by my side. "Sherlock what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm perfectly fine." I said, trying to say in my usual annoyed tone.

He frowned. "You're crying Sherlock, you don't cry."

"Yes I do." I whispered, my mind remembering that day a life time ago.

"Then what can I do to make you stop?" He paused. "Please Sherlock tell me." The desperation in his voice almost convinced me that he cared, almost.

"Please go." I whispered looking down at his hand that was clutching so tightly onto mine. "Please." I barely heard myself utter the word, but he got up and left, slamming the door behind him.

I looked at my hand and a sobbed passed my lips. His hands had been so warm, strong, comforting. They had been everything I wanted and could never have. I tried so hard to keep my emotions silent, but the pain was to much. I let the emotions out and that one terrible word escape my heart.

"John."