rails // a.i. // book 2

truth

december
ashton

it has been one month since i found out about mae. and in that time i have one to school four times and talked to my family five.

it's like the world has completely worked against me. first, mae is dead. but to make matters worse, my dads behavior has gotten worse. he's making my sisters life a living hell lately, telling her to get a job or live on the streets. he set her a deadline and if it's not met, he's kicking her out of the house and cutting her off completely. although, the beatings have mostly stopped, it still sucks living in our house.

i've spent most days in bed, crying. my mom says i have to go back to school soon, but i tell her what's the point. the world feels so empty without her. without her smile and presence to light up a room, what's the point? she was the light of my world, whether i cared to admit it or not, and she was ripped from my arms.

my days have been similar to each other with small changes here or there. but today it is a cold, december afternoon and i've decided to leave home.

i walked around downtown for a while and then down the main street to the bridge.

the rails are like ice against my hands and the breeze is brisk against my face nearly giving me immediate frostbite.

i over looked the water and out to the horizon letting out a deep breath, my breath appearing in the air like smoke.

what i hadn't received until now was a letter from mae. it wasn't an odd gesture. i had been receiving it for the last year. but this time it wasn't just a letter telling me how she was doing, it was something so much more. a thousand times deeper and darker.

her suicide note.

but it was only for me and i decided it was time to read it. i sat down with my back against the rail and opened the crisp white envelope that held maes last words.

my dearest ashton,

by now i assume you are reading this letter with my last words. i know this happened so suddenly, but i am not happy here. they thought i would do perfectly fine outside the facility but i'm not. i'm not ashton, and this last month i've been scaring, not only my family, but myself. and honestly, i can't handle that. so here is my letter. my last letter. my deepest and darkest letter. and my final letter to you, mr. ashton irwin.
so here's the truth; you are not happy either. i know this for a fact. i could tell by your letters.
and the harshest truth? it's not your family or friends or you or even me that's keeping you from paradise. it's the rails, ashton! the rails are the only thing keeping you from paradise.
so what are you waiting for?
put down this letter. leave everything behind; family, friends, memories. leave it all in that god forsaken town.
and do it.
jump.

love always,
mae
p.s. i'll see you soon. i love you.

with the last sentence of her last letter, i put it back in the envelope and set it beside me on the sidewalk.

i reached behind me grasping the cold, frosty rail and pulled myself to my feet. i was shaky and everything was becoming blurry but so clear at once.

i balanced myself on the railing, breathing in and out, leaving it all behind. forgetting about the hell i used to live in and the heaven i was about to see. i let out one last breath, closed my eyes one last time, and saw the sky one last time.

i whispered, "i love you too."

and jumped.

-

well. that's it.