Return of Sebastian Sallow | 10 Yr After Hogwarts

Chapter 135: The Courtyard

Sprinting through the halls of the Defense Against the Dark Arts tower, I secure my wand in my waistband at the small of my back, forcing air in and out of my lungs on every fourth step, repeating mantras in my head to center myself and turn off the maddening voice that resonates as loud as ever between my ears since being thrown in the pogrebin-lined cellar.

::You were asking for it though, yeah?::

I can't help but consider how silly it was to have thought I'd finally shut him the fuck up—

::Oi?!::

—as I hurry to my office and wonder what has transpired since Helvig's cronies knocked me out.

Merlin's beard I hope it's not too late for whatever he has planned.

::Likely is, mate. Missing out is sort of your thing, innit?::

Shut up.

::Specifically, abandoning your 'angel' when she needs you most?::

Fuck you.

::Gladly.::

The dregs of pure despair that filled me to the brim in the damned pogrebin cave clearly still have a hold on my perspective. I shudder to think what would have become of me if not for Ominis and sweet Penny. Every chakra in my energy field is dimmed, muddy, and thicker than molasses, almost as though I physically can't move my legs as quickly as a result. I'm starting to fear I'll lose all control if I can't focus, ground, and clear it all. I can't reach my office soon enough.

Lama La's words ring in my mind, "love is an ancient and powerful amplifier."

Think about Ominis. I bow to the Divine teacher within.

::Pretentious arsehole.::

Shove off! Breathe. Think about Anne. I transmute suffering into growth.

::Pretentious. Arsehole.::

Shove OFF! Think about April. I bow to the Divine wisdom of All That Is.

::Honestly, mate, who do you think you're fooling? Ego. Fuelled. Arsehole.::

Throwing open the doors of my office–

::...Good for nothing twat...::

–I rush towards the cabinet where I keep the boggart–

::...away for all those years and for what? So you can learn to sit still like most people do in primary school? Laughable.::

–as the all-too-familiar inner dialogue spirals out of control–

::...Sitting on mountaintops, reading books, and calling it "self improvement?" Bloody fool. No wonder Solomon hated you.::

–and the handle won't fucking give—

::Everyone hates you. You know that right? We can be adults and talk about this openly, yeah? What an utterly distasteful excuse for a living meat sack you are.::

FUCK!

–I pull out my wand–

::Everyone sees through your stupid bullshit, you horse's arse. Bloody fake.::

"Alowamoruh," I pant. Nothing.

Shit.

::HA! Can't even cast basic shit.::

"ALOHAMORA!" I demand the magic to obey, from the depths of my fury. The spell releases the bloody jammed clasp and the door to the cupboard flies open, causing my stomach to knot in anticipation, not entirely sure of what form the boggart will take.