My Saving Grace

September 27, 2013

Trigger warning again! All the things mentioned in the chapter before!

The week passed along slowly and to Alex and Mitch, Scott seemed to be miraculously much better. He was talking more and smiling and singing. A little part of Mitch thought that the smiles were fake but he ignored it because Scott seemed to be better.

They didn't realise what Scott was planning. They didn't realise that Scott was still breaking. He was crying himself to sleep at night and cutting his wrists. But there was also relief there. He knew that it would all be over soon.

So on the Saturday Scott put his plan into action. This was much better planned out than the other times. He knew when Mitch would be out and when Alex was at work.

It was 2 pm. The plan was put into action. "I'll be back later, Scott. I'll bring Taco Bell." Mitch said his hand on the door handle to their apartment, ready to go.

"Mitch, wait!" Scott called from his room. He ran out to the sitting room, ignoring the voices that were screaming 'he doesn't care,' at him. Mitch looked up expectantly. "I love you!" Scott said, wrapping Mitch into his arms.

Mitch was caught off guard. He slowly wrapped his arms around Scott and sighed. "I love you too! Is everything alright?" He asked, pressing his forehead against Scott's shoulder.

Scott held back the tears. "Yeah, great." He said, not daring to break the hug. Mitch stepped back and smiled.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Mitch reassured him. Scott clenched his fist by his side. He couldn't lie to Mitch. But he had to. To escape. To be free. To set Mitch free.

"Yeah." Scott sighed and smiled that fake smile he had perfected. Mitch nodded one more time and opened the door, walking through it and closing it behind him.

Scott took a deep breath and stared at the spot that Mitch had just been standing. "I'm gonna miss you." He mumbled under his breath.

He shook his head and walked back to his room, where a pen and paper lay on his bed. The thing was that in that moment Scott felt numb. There was no emotion running through him. His head still screamed. His anxiety still flared. But he wasn't scared or sad. He wasn't happy though either. He was nothing. Nothing, just like what he was about to become. A memory.

He picked up the pen and started to write. A letter that he had written and drafted all week. It was now time to write it officially.

"To whoever finds this,
You've found this letter which means by now I don't exist anymore. I'm dead. I'm sorry for taking up your time. For making you think that I could get better. I'm sorry that you had to look after me for months or years. I'm sorry that I was an inconvenience. To be honest I'm sorry you ever knew me.
But thank you, for being there and for helping me. I love you guys!
Scott."

Scott folded the note and walked to the kitchen. He placed it on the counter and let out a long breath. Taking one final look around the apartment he saw the pictures and memories began to flash over his vision. He was tempted in the moment to back out but then he heard the screaming voices again and shook his head. He couldn't. He had to set everyone free and he couldn't take it. The pain. The emotions. It was all too much.

He put his hand on the door and ran out, leaving the door swung open behind him. He ran up the stairs of the apartment block. All the way to the top. To the door that was marked roof. Then everything slowed down.

Scott's hand was on the door, pushing it open. His feet moving automatically, dragging along the ground. The sun hit his body as he walked. Step by step to the edge. Finally it was all going to be over.