Merry Go Round

7 ~ Down the Road

Down the Road

*Madelynn*

I would probably catch a cold from being out in this weather in nothing but a tank-top, but I could not bring myself to care. I was shivering, and my phone was freezing my bum through my jeans, but still I didn't care. I knew Zach would be worried, and while it sparked more emotion than anything I had felt since the news, I still couldn't bring myself to do anything. My entire life I had gone thinking the world was divided into two groups, the cowardly and the courageous, and I was most definitely not a part of the latter, but rather the former. I knew I was a coward. I run from all of the things that have ever troubled me, meaning I've run from everything because there has yet to be a thing in life that has yet to cause me grief.

Just like how I ran from home.

I stopped under a streetlight, looking at the empty stretch of road from both ways.

If I were a believer in reincarnation I would wonder what kind of things I did in my past life to cause this horrible karma now. I would wonder what horrible deed caused me so much suffering. But I'm not, and I can't say I'm a very religious person at all. I can't believe that God gave me so much pain because He wanted me to become stronger, because I was only given what I could handle. But it's dumb luck that I was born to such suffering. In truth I believe that sometimes I have the worst good luck, because when one thing begins to go right it all crumbles.

Just like now.

I watched as drops of rain began to fall until it was a full downpour. My tank-top clung to my stomach and the water plastered my hair to my face. It seemed a bit ironic how, as soon as I began to stop crying, the sky began to cry for me, painting fake tears on my cheeks. People say that crying in the rain is better, because no one can see your tears, but I don't know if I believe that. If I cry, my face still gets red and my eyes puffy, it is not hard to guess when some people are crying. But me, I was not trying to hide my tears, I was trying to escape this pain.

My feet were sore from walking, and I didn't even know how long it had been. I had passed a gas station I had never seen before, but aside from that all there was to see was open road. I could go anywhere I chose, but in my heart, my hopelessly shattered heart, I knew that it would never be far enough to escape the pain. This hopelessly shattered heart of mine was a part of me, and in that heart was a pressure the suffocated me.

It was inevitable, and I knew it, but I would try and numb the effects for as long as I could. But seeing him...watching his smile turn into sympathetic eyes and a sad face, I couldn't bare it.

But the more I thought of Zach, and how I couldn't bear to see him, the more I thought of my father, and how I couldn't live if the last time I talked to him was when we fought. I knew I didn't want to leave our relationship broken and angry, so I did the only thing I could do.

I made my way to the hospital.

* * *

The sun was beginning to set when I finally arrived, my tank-top still damp. I wanted to cry at the sight of the hospital, simply for the fact that I would rather him be anywhere but here. I would rather have him yelling at me, I would rather have him forcing me to watch sports with him, or studying because he rarely let me watch television.

Anywhere but here.

I walked in, instantly getting odd looks from the people in the waiting room and the receptionist.

"My name is Madelynn Richard, I received a call about my father," I told the woman, and she quickly typed something into her computer before telling me to sign in.

"His room is on the fourth floor, room 345," she muttered, and I quickly rushed to the elevator.

I was tapping my foot, my bare foot, to entire time the elevator moved until it finally opened on the fourth floor. I rushed out, looking at the sign in front of me before quickly walking towards the right. The closer I got to him, the faster I wanted to see him. I found his room and stood at the door. I took in a deep breath before opening the door slowly, peering in.

I saw my father, a tough man with a bald head, lying helplessly in the hospital bed, with tube stuck into his skin and monitors around him. The sight instantly made tears come to my eyes.

Why didn't I come sooner?

"Oh daddy," I whispered, sitting in the chair beside his bed. "Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault that you're in here. If I had been better, you wouldn't have always been so angry at me. I'm so-"

The door behind me opened I looked back to see a woman who was not a nurse. She had curly brown hair that fell past her shoulders, pale brown eyes, and she looked about forty years old.

"Madelynn?" she whispered in shock.

"W-Who are you?" I asked, quickly wiping at my eyes.

"My name is Carrie," she walked closer to me before stopping at my father's side. "I'm your father's girlfriend."

My eyes widened.

"Girlfriend?"

"Yes, this is not the way I wished for you to find out," she sighed, pulling up another chair on the opposite side of him and grabbing his other hand. "We've been dating for a few months now. When your father was brought in, they called me as well."

"I see," I mumbled, feeling awkward.

Silence filled the room, the only noise was my father's heart monitor beeping.

"He is very proud of you, you know?" she said randomly, making me look at her. "He constantly talked of you and your book. He told me how much he loved it, and how excited he was for the next-"

"He read my book?" I whispered, my eyes wide in surprise. I never knew he read it, let alone liked it.

"Oh, of course he did! It's on the mantel in the living room. Madelynn, you have no idea how much he loves you. I know he is very bad at showing it, but he does love you. I remember when I first met him, I thought he was so rude! But I ran into him again and again, as if fate was bringing us together. I know he's done bad things, said bad things, because he has cried to me about it, begging forgiveness I could not give. He hurt you and...he hurt your brother, Tony, in more way then one. I know it is not my right to say this, and you don't have to forgive him, but sweetie, he's been getting better and it's killing him. He's been taking medication and going to AA meetings, but the better he gets the worse he feels. He's remembering everything he ever did to you two and even your mother. In the short time we've been together I learned a lot about him, and I know he is going to be better."

Hearing Carrie talk about my mother and brother brought tears to my eyes. My mother, a woman I only knew from pictures, and my brother, a man who walked out on me.

My hands gripped my father's hand as I sobbed, wanting so very badly for it to be true. I wanted him to get better because, even if it was a stupid wish, I wanted someone I could call Dad and actually have them act like it. I wanted my dad.

What I was doing now though was not getting me anywhere. I was running again, trying to shut it off, but for once in my life, I couldn't.

And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing, because I have someone who cares for me and someone I cared for in return.

I wiped away my tears and took in a deep breath, standing up and looking at Carrie.

"I have to go," I mumbled, looking down at the floor. "Tell my dad I love him, and I'm sorry."

"Of course," she said, a sad look in her eyes. "Will you be back?"

"I...I don't know."

I walked out the door, heading out of the hospital and to my house.

I knew where I needed to be, and it was not down the road where I walked alone.

I needed to be with Zach, because...

Because I love him.

* * *

Woo hoo! It's a normal sized chapter!

Hope you enjoy~