Merry Go Round

8 ~ Duct Tape and Stitches

Duct Tape and Stitches

*Zach*

It was as if she had disappeared off the face of the planet, not leaving a single clue as to how I could find her. I called and called and I called, but she wasn't answering her phone. I go to the café every day in hopes of seeing her sitting there, ready to apologize for disappearing and leaving me so worried, but she never showed up. She wasn't even at her apartment for heaven's sake.

It's been a three days and she hasn't been home, hasn't called, hasn't anything. I was running on fumes because I couldn't sleep at night, I was just that worried.

She's just...gone.

Not once did I think she would do this. Out of the months I had known her, she had never done anything even remotely like this. It's not like she told me she was leaving either and all of her stuff was still in her apartment. Her computer was still on, open to a word document page where she had probably been writing her story she's been working so hard on. Her writing progress wasn't my concern though. It was the way her apartment looked that had me worried. Furniture was sideways and knocked over, papers scattered the floor, and there was broken glass everywhere. It's as if a tornado had come through her apartment and thrown everything around.

I didn't want to think the worst, but I knew that something must have happened. I was so scared for her, but I didn't go to the cops. I knew what would happen if I did, so I waited. I knew her name would be publicized, and I didn't want her to have to go through that if it was nothing.

But what if it isn't nothing?

No, I wouldn't think like that.

So I'll sit idly by, going through my now daily routine of checking to see if she's at her apartment or the café...

For now.

* * *

Two more days had passed by the time I saw that blissful name lighting up my phone's caller ID. I fumbled with my phone, trying to press the green button as quickly as possible, and I frantically shouted at the girl I've come to know as someone dear to me.

"I'm sorry," she interrupted me, her voice sounding empty. "Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly fine. I...I'm actually staying at a friend's house. She came into town a little while ago and I'm spending some time at her place. Sorry I didn't tell you."

My mind was tossing around so many thoughts that focusing on one seemed impossible. It was as if I was drawing a blank. She sounded so...lifeless.

What happened to the happy girl I had been talking to in the café over a week ago?

What happened to the girl I've...to the girl I've come to love?

"Meet me at the merry go 'round," I said sternly, leaving no room for arguing, before I hung up.

It was as if all of the progress we had made together, that she had made, was gone. It was as if these past few months had never happened, and she was an unfeeling apathetic. She sounded so lifeless and so very alone. I hated hearing her like that, hearing her so locked up, yet so vulnerable. I didn't know how I could make it better.

In truth, I don't know much about why Madelynn is the way she is, just as she does not know why I am the way I am. She doesn't know about Clara, about how she had my heart in her hands as she kissed another guy, slept with another guy, and then threw it back in my face as if I was a speck of dirt on her shoe. She doesn't know about how I was broken even before that, and it completely tore my heart out when it happened. I had trusted deeply in her, but Clara had cheated on me, she had gone behind my back and done the unthinkable. She broke her promise to me.

She doesn't know about my mother either, of how promises became so important when they were spoken in her words. She doesn't know of the disappointment, and of the heartache that came with the promises made that could never be kept. She doesn't know.

But, the thing is, neither of us care about the 'how's or the 'why's, because it brought us here. Forgive me for my selfishness, but I don't care what got her where she is now, I'm just glad it brought her to me. I would do it all over again if it just brought me right back to her. I'd go through Hell just to get back to her, because she mended that bit of myself that only someone else could repair.

I knew what I was going to do was stupid, but I couldn't think of anything else to do, except for the literal of course.

I grabbed a roll of duct tape and hurried out to my car, quickly starting it up and beginning the drive to that special place we met. In my mind I saw flashes of tears running down her cheeks, pain lighting up her eyes, and silent screams causing those horrible sobs to escape her lips. She was strong, but I could tell when someone was on the edge, and she had passed the edge long ago.

I could tell she needed saving.

Once I got there I walked up the walkway to my large creation and sat down in one of the carriages.

One hour came, and another hour went, but still no one came. That hour turned into two, and the three.

It wasn't until four hours had gone by and the sun had set that I heard the sound of feet quickly pattering against the pavement. I don't know how, but I knew it was her. I could hear the person taking in large breaths as they ran, and it just reassured my first notion. Madelynn wasn't athletic in the slightest.

When she came into view though, it was a huge relief. I wanted to latch onto her and never let go, never let her leave because I knew she could break. A week, a long and horrible week. That's how long I went without seeing her beautiful blue eyes, or her gleaming smile...but she hadn't smiled before she had left. She hadn't smiled that 'I'll see you later' smile that she normally does when we part. Seeing her as she walked towards me though, it didn't ease my fears as it should have, if anything I worried more.

Her steps were slow, but not steady, as she came in front of me. When she didn't sit down I stood up, grabbing the duct tape I had brought and biting off two pieces since I didn't have any scissors.

I could see her shivering slightly, so I shrugged off my jacket and draped it around her shoulders, watching her release a deep breath. I grabbed the pieces of tape and, feeling her eyes on me, I taped them over her heart in the form of an 'x'.

"I don't know what's wrong, and I may never know what's wrong, but what I do know is that there's something wrong," I whispered, and I could see tears glistening in her eyes. "I also know that while the merry go 'round of life is not real, the pain of a broken heart definitely is. Sometimes you just need someone there to put you back together. It may be stupid, but I find that a visible action gives much more assurance than just words."

She choked on a humorless laugh as tears fell from her eyes.

"It's a good thing you have duct tape then," she whispered, and I smiled softly.

"I also know how to sew if you need help mending your heart too," I whispered just as quietly, and I watched her break right in front of me.

I watched the tears fall faster, looking like diamonds in the moonlight as they splashed against the floor of the merry go 'round. She sunk to the ground and I caught her before she fell.

"I'm so sorry," she cried, and I pulled her closer to me, letting her cry because I knew it was what she needed. "I'm sorry, oh god. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry..."

She kept repeating that same phrase over and over again, but all I said was, "It's okay Darling, it's okay."

It's all okay.