Joker paced around his bedroom, raking his hands through his hair. Something didn't feel right. You and Harley had left an hour ago, and she wasn't back yet. Normally, this wouldn't be a cause for concern, since she could've whisked you off to God knows where for a girls' day. She was just that type of person. But, the alarm bells in his head were ringing, all for an unknown cause. And, to make matters worse, he couldn't even contact you so that you could reassure him.
He knew he shouldn't care about you anymore, but God damn it, he did. You were a real piece of work, a real pain in the ass, but he cared more about you than he had ever cared about anything. All he wanted was to ensure you were safe, and something in him was telling him that you weren't.
"Fuck," he breathed, holding his head in anguish. He felt like he was losing his mind, much more than usual. In spite of himself, he kept replaying your goodbye to him over and over again in his mind, imagining that this was the last time he'd ever see you. Imagining that pitiful face as you begged to kiss him one last time. Imaging you leaving the room, leaving his life for good.
He was bad for you and you were bad for him. He knew both of these things. But, still, he couldn't stop the regret from taking hold. He had said things to Harley that he hadn't meant, but things he would never be able to take back. While it was true that he was growing tired of your constant failures, it would never be true that he didn't care about you. He just didn't know how to handle his emotions in the face of adversity. When he actually had something to lose. So, he figured it would be easier to just cut you loose than to spend every waking moment worrying about you.
And, an hour later, he already wished to find you and take it all back. But, clearly you didn't want the same, proven by the fact you had blocked his number.
He had never experienced loss before. He had lost Harley, sure, but he wasn't emotionally invested in her like he was you. Losing her was, at worst, inconvenient. Losing you made him feel like he no longer had a purpose on this earth. Why else had he been put on this planet if not to protect you?
The grief combined with the fear he was feeling put him in an almost manic state. He began to fling any object he could find at the wall. Glass broke, walls dented, and even the noise of it all couldn't drown out his screams of agony. He was completely and utterly lost, and completely and utterly afraid. He needed you to be okay. He needed you to live a fulfilling life, even if he couldn't be a part of it. But, he wanted to be a part of it more than words could even describe. He would hate to see you happy without him, but he'd hate to see you sad even more.
He looked down at the floor, random objects strewn about as if a tornado had hit the room. Surprisingly, he felt frustrated tears start to form in his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. In fact, he didn't know if he ever had. This sadness was so foreign to him that it scared him. He began to repeatedly strike himself in the face to snap himself out of this trance, not liking this lack of control a single bit.
Once his tears had dried up, he stopped striking himself. He shook his head to himself, plopping down amidst the mess. In order to divert some of his focus, he began to arrange the strewn objects into a circle on the floor. Books, glass shards, and even some of the makeup you had left behind, all in a large circle that took up a good amount of the floor.
Dazed, he sat in the middle of the circle, looking around at all of the objects. The points of the glass shards were pointing right at him, causing him to laugh. Nothing was funny. He didn't know why he was laughing. But he laughed and laughed until tears stung his eyes again.
He was fucking lost without you, and that realization just made him laugh that much harder. How ironic! The Prince of Crime, completely codependent on a girl. A girl that started off as a business transaction, then a small crush, then his entire universe. The sun rose and set on you. He wanted to tell you that so bad, that you were his world. But, he would never be able to tell you anything again, causing him to moan and bury his head in his hands.
YOU ARE READING
deal with the devil! | JOKER X READER ✅
Fanfiction(Y/N) (L/N) was new to the crime scene. She had pulled off a couple heists in Gotham along with a few other miscellaneous crimes, and a few people were beginning to take note of her name. But, what little clout she was receiving wasn't enough for he...
