i hate you | l.h

twenty two

dizziness washed over me like a tidal wave, and i felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.

i tried to walk out but crashed into the door with my shoulder, cursing to myself painfully. the door slammed shut with a thud, leaving me inside as the two of them broke apart.

my feet were planted to the ground and i felt as if i couldn't move. i was frozen, my eyes widening in either disgust or horror, i couldn't tell. my emotions were a whirlwind and i could barely depict how i was feeling.

they were both staring at me with different expressions on their faces; luke looked amused yet there was something deeper in his eyes that made me feel as if he were masking his true reaction, the girl looked shocked.

i noticed that the girl had dark curly hair that came tumbling down to her shoulders, and was extremely beautiful. her shirt had been risen up, showing a sliver of her stomach.

i suddenly had the overwhelming urge to hurl.

the girl looked embarrassed yet displeased at my rude entering, and her hands went to pat down the disheveled strands of her dark hair.

she cleared her throat and cast a sideways glance at luke as if it were his fault that i had interrupted them.

"oh shit, this is embarrassing." she said after she realized luke wasn't going to say anything.

i could count on my fingers the amount of times i had accidentally barged on two lustful teenagers during a party so it wasn't exactly a new experience for me. yet, i still felt as if i were having a nightmare.

i couldn't form the words to answer-i was staring at luke, who now couldn't conceal his look of astonishment and grabbed his shirt that had been cast aside to yank on. his face was as white as the bed sheets, and his expression must've been mirroring how i felt.

"uhm-sorry, this is lydia," luke finally said. his skin was paler than usual, showcasing the deep rings etched underneath his pale blue eyes. just the simple sound of his voice made me want to grimace in pain.

the girl's face lit up with recognition. "oh, i've heard a lot about you from anna and them. i'm so sorry this is how we had to meet." she scrambled from off the bed and i almost jerked back from her as she were contagious of a disease but stopped myself.

i was acting irrational.

my instincts were telling me to curse the both of them and wish luke a trip to hell yet i managed to give her a smile. "yeah, i'm sorry. i don't know who you are." despite my best efforts, my voice was bitter.

"oh, i'm an old friend of ashton's. i'm coming from new york to visit. luke was kind enough to--uh--" she slowly flushed, the red of her blush peeking through her olive skin. "i'm izzy."

luke whispered something into her ear, and a frown formed on her face yet she complied. she left the room without another word.

"luke," i said, and debated whether or not to take a step towards him.

the look on his face confirmed my decision not to and i stayed put, my throat burning.

the bright light flooding through the slits of his window curtains highlighted his facial features. i could see the dark smudges pressed underneath his eyes, and the hollowness beneath his cheeks.

it reminded me of violet's angry yet exquisite sketches of him that she had shown me months ago. she had claimed that she drew them before i had become friends with him, back when he was just learning about his mom's cancer. it was a difficult time for all of them, and violet couldn't help herself but draw him.