Beyond The Veil「 The Veil Trilogy Part Ⅲ 」

[28] The Weight of Memory

The funeral for Mad-Eye Moody had been quiet—just the Order members, standing in a circle with their wands lit in a silent tribute. We couldn't hold a proper funeral for one of the greatest Aurors of our time because there was no body to bury and no grave to put a tombstone on. 

Even though the Order had searched for Moody's body everywhere, we couldn't find it. Mundungus turned up as well and by then he had been grilled by almost all the members for disapparating. I don't know what excuse he gave them, I hadn't been around to listen.

Right then, I was outside because the Burrow, despite being my home for so long, felt somewhat suffocating. Maybe it's the weight of the war that rests on all our shoulders, or the grief of losing a member, I simply couldn't lie down and close my eyes.

I feared I would get another vision, so I stepped out to clear my head.

It was past midnight, but I was still in the backyard, sitting on the steps. Arms around my knees, I had curled myself into a tight ball, as if squeezing my existence might wipe out the pain and fear inside me.

It didn't work. Never did. I lost count of how many times I have tried this before.

I heard the creak of the back door before I saw him. Remus stepped out into the cool night air, his silhouette easily recognizable due to his towering height. He didn't say anything, just walked over and lowered himself onto the steps beside me with a tired groan. 

We didn't say anything at first. But then he chose to break the silence.

"You always did like being outside at night," he said quietly.

"I felt I would get smothered if I stayed in," I replied, as always being honest with him. Something about him just made me want to tell him exactly what I was feeling, no pretenses.

We sat in silence, the kind that settles between two people who've known each other a long time. People who have seen each other at their worst and still sit close, people who understand what the other is going through.

"He didn't deserve to go like that." The words escaped me before I could think about them. 

But it was true, wasn't it? Mad-Eye Moody didn't deserve to die, just like all the others the war had swallowed before him.

"No," Remus sighed softly. "But if there was ever someone prepared for it... it was Moody."

I glanced at him then. The shadows deepened the lines on his face, made him look older than he was—war-aged. He didn't meet my eyes.

"We were just kids," I murmured, my voice feeling as heavy as the weight on my shoulders. "When I first met you and the others—James, Sirius, Peter. All mischief and fire. You guys seemed... invincible."

A sad smile graced his lips, "We believed we were invincible... Untouchable. Friends who would stay forever together..."

His words were tinged by sadness, one that I felt deep in my heart too.

"And look where are we now..." He completed the line of thought, "Only you and I are here, Kat."

He was right. Out of the Marauders, Peter had changed sides long ago. James was dead and even Sirius... I couldn't bring myself to think about him again. It would hurt. It always did. 

A long pause stretched between us. I could feel him hesitating before he asked, "Do you regret coming back? To the past, I mean."

The question caught me off guard. "I didn't really have a choice back then."

He nodded, "And did you ever think of not returning to your time?"

Trust Moony to bring things up that make me reevaluate myself and my decisions all over again. I took a deep breath, the air rattling down my lungs.

"I used to think about it," I admitted. "About what might have happened if I had stayed. Maybe I would have stopped something or warned someone. Maybe the war would not have ended with so many deaths... It could have changed everything..."

I have thought about it too much to lose count now. But back then, I didn't even know much about the wizarding world myself. I was a new addition to this world of spells and potions, how could I have expected myself to change things?

His voice shook me out of my thoughts, "But you didn't."

"No. Because I wasn't meant to. I was never meant to change the past. I was meant to witness it."

"And carry it," he added.

We sat silently after that, memories from the good old days wrapping around us like a blanket that momentarily shut out the cold. 

"You think we'll survive this?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

Remus looked up at the stars. "I think some of us will."

Another silence fell and this one felt a lot heavier than before. Seeing him still next to me made me share something I had seldom told anyone before.

"It's hard, Remus. Seeing pieces of it before it happens and still not being able to stop it. Knowing how it all ends but only when it's too late..."

Remus didn't answer. He waited, the way he always had when someone needed time to unfold. "Your gift—or your curse, depending on how you see it—doesn't make you responsible for what you see."

I closed my eyes. "Doesn't it? What good is a Seer who can't stop anything bad from happening?"

"It makes you human," he said simply. "Even with all our gifts, we're not gods. Just people, trying our best with what we have."

I clutched my knees tightly, tilting my head to look at him. "I'm scared, Remus."

He paused, knowing exactly what I felt and why I said that. His eyes met mine, and I caught sight of his deepening scars, the proof of the many full moons he had weathered after losing his friends.

"So am I," he replied truthfully.  

We didn't need to say anything else after that. The war was here. The pain was here. But so were we.

We would brave it all to the very end. Or die trying.

***