Lady Midnight (After the Iratze)

After the Iratze

"Oh," she said softly.  The rune seemed lit from within by a soft glow. 

Emma stared at the iratze as it emanated a faint white light.  Unlike the others, which had faded almost immediately into Julian's smooth skin, this one seemed to stay, pulsing softly but not diminishing.  A glimmer of hope rose in her heart, calming the sea of panic and fear.  She waited; making sure the rune would take effect.  She had never seen Marks glow like this before.

Still staring, mesmerized by the rune, she let out a breath she had not known she was holding.  She became aware than Julian was still holding her against him with his hand on her back; that they were still in this awkwardly intimate position as she straddled his lap.  Color began to flood her cheeks again.  They were already flushed from the panic of a few moments before, but this was a different sensation.

"Emma?"

Julian's voice broke her out of her reverie, and she glanced up from his chest to meet his eyes, which were gazing at her with something like wonder. 

"Jules," she whispered, "are you okay?"  She hardly dared believe that the iratze had worked.  His injuries had been so severe, the wound from the arrow a fountain of blood.  And yet, he no longer seemed to be in pain.  He gazed up at her with eyes so full of emotion.  She did not want him to move, to break all the tenuous points of contact between them now.  She knew she shouldn't care about touching him, but he was so precious to her, and she had almost lost him.

"I'm...I... It doesn't even hurt anymore, Em.  How did you...?" His voice trained off as he looked down to the rune that stretched across his muscled chest.  He was a wreck, covered in blood and scars.  But the ragged hole left by the arrow was already stitching shut.

"I don't know," she said honestly.  "I guess you were right, about the power of runes given by parabatai.  I was just thinking about you, remembering things, and the stele started moving and I... I think I was in a trance or something."

Julian smiled and began to move his hand from her back.  She let out a soft sigh, absurdly disappointed at the removal of his warm touch.  But rather than releasing her, he moved both of his arms to encircle her, pulling her even closer to him and hugging her to his chest.  Her knees were now digging into the back door of the car, her chest, covered only in her thin white, blood-soaked tank top was crushed to Julian's.  It should have been uncomfortable, but it wasn't.  Being in Julian's embrace was the most comfortable thing in the world.

"You did it, Emma. You fixed me.  I told you so!"  He chuckled, clearly trying to lighten the mood. 

Normally, Emma would have laughed with him, but right now she just couldn't.  His laughter was like a trigger, and all her emotions started pouring out.  Before she knew what was happening, she realized that her body was shaking with sobs, tears flowing freely down her cheeks and down into Julian's hair.  She clutched at him, one arm cradling the back of his neck and the other wound into his thick brown curls.

"Shhh, it's okay now," he said, reaching a hand up to stroke her hair, which had fallen partially out of its braid at some point during all the commotion.

"I'm sorry," she replied, embarrassed to be crying.  She was Emma Carstairs, the best Shadowhunter in the world (except for maybe Jace Herondale), and she was supposed to be tough.  She hardly ever cried.

Julian pushed her softly away from him until they were facing each other.  Gently, he reached his hands up to cradle her face, thumbs brushing away her tears.

"I'm okay now, really."  His tone was soothing, reassuring, the way he had always spoken to her when something was wrong.  It was the way he had spoken to her after her parents had died, during those months when the grief struck her and she felt like she couldn't breathe.  It was a voice full of love and understanding, which was fitting because there was nobody else who really loved and understood Emma besides Julian.

Words began to pour out of her as she looked into those eyes that she trusted, eyes full of life, which she had never been so grateful for until this moment.  "I thought I was really going to lose you, Julian... I've never been so scared.  Never.  Not when my parents died and I felt so alone.  Not when I met Jonathan Morgenstern and thought he would kill me.  Not in Idris during the battle.  Ever since we became parabatai I don't think I've been afraid once, until tonight...".  She paused, choking up again as a single tear escaped and ran down her cheek.  She took a deep breath.  "It would... destroy me to lose you, Jules."

"Emma, I know, I'm so sorry for scaring you."  Julian was good at comforting people.  He understood emotions so much better than she ever had.  "I don't know what happens exactly when we die, but I know I don't want to go anywhere without you.  I was scared too... of having to leave you."  His pointer finger traced the path of her last tear, lingering at the corner of her mouth.  Was it just thinking about being parted from his parabatai that made his expression look so pained, or was something else there too?  Something almost like... longing?  Stop.  I'm imagining things.  He doesn't- he can't feel that way about me.

"I love you, Jules."  It was strange how she could say this and feel that she was being totally honest and totally deceptive at the same time.  It was the truth.  They had said those words to one another many times before, though not for a while.  But he could never know what she really meant when she said them now. 

"I love you too, Em."  He smiled.  She angled her face down so he wouldn't see the pain clouding her brown eyes.  The words were like a knife to the heart.

*What do you think?  This is my first fanfic... I'll write more if people like it!