Lady Midnight (After the Iratze)

Sleepless Night

The Los Angeles Institute was quiet at night.  Too quiet, Emma thought.  She could hear the sounds of the ocean as she lay in bed; trying in vain to get some much needed sleep.  She shuddered, remembering her parents and how the ocean had taken them.  Well, the ocean and the demons.  But she still hated the stupid ocean.  Frustrated, she turned over and pressed her pillow over her head, clamping down over her ears.  It helped with the noise, but there was no way she could actually sleep like this.

She thought about calling Cameron, but then checked the time on her phone.  3:47 am.  Probably not the best time to call.  Besides, she didn't want to talk to him about why she couldn't sleep.  It wasn't something she liked to talk about, and he would want an explanation. 

Julian wouldn't need an explanation.  He had been there, had been the only person grounding Emma to reality during that awful time five years ago.  She was grateful.  She had needed Julian then, and she needed him now.  They had decided to become parabatai so they would not have to be separated after they were both orphaned.  Without him, she would have gone crazy.  But now that she was bonded to him for life, she could never be with him... 

She felt bad, sometimes, for thinking these things.  She was with Cameron, so why could she not stop herself from thinking about Julian?  Was it some masochistic part of her that wanted to be in pain?  Did she enjoy the torture of loving the only boy she could never be allowed to love?  She didn't think so.  Loving Jules was just a part of her, and no matter how hard she tried to suppress that truth, it always came up to the surface.

Knowing it was the only way she was going to get any sleep, Emma got up and snuck through the hallway to Julian's door.  Not bothering to knock, she cracked the door open and peeked inside.  Her parabatai was curled up in bed, facing the window on the opposite wall.  Assuming he was asleep, she slipped inside as quietly as possible and shut the door behind her.

"Emma, is that you?"

The question was hardly necessary.  Julian didn't even bother turning around, because he knew it was her.  Sometimes Emma wondered if all parabatai were like that, able to sense the nearness of one another.  She liked to think they were especially in tune with each other, superior to other Shadowhunter pairs.  It seemed to her that their bond was extra special, like the legend of the parabatai who were so close they were practically one person.  She now knew that one of those men had been James (Jem) Carstairs, otherwise known as Brother Zachariah, her great-great-great uncle.  Though he was over 150 years old, he only looked to be in his early twenties. She had met him several times over the past five years, and it was comforting to know another living member of her family.

"Sorry.  I thought you were asleep."  There was no sheepishness in her voice.  This was simply a part of their relationship.  If one was in need, the other was there to help.  If it happened to be in the middle of the night, so be it. 

"I was, but you stepped on that floorboard outside Tavvy's room." 

Emma grinned.  Jules had always been a light sleeper.

"Ah, sorry."

"Well, climb on in."  He rolled over, facing her and scooting backward to make space for her in the bed.  She was no stranger to sharing a bed with her parabatai, but she hoped her body wouldn't betray her feelings by doing something embarrassing like blushing or trying to cuddle with him in her sleep.

She got under the covers and lay facing Julian, trying to arrange her long blonde hair so it wouldn't bother either of them.

"You know you should really consider cutting that off," Julian noted with a smirk.  "It gets in the way a lot."

She sighed in exasperation.  "How many times do we have to go through this!  Girls shouldn't have to sacrifice their femininity to be warriors.  I intend to be badass and beautiful, like Isabelle Lightwood, thank you very much!"

"You already are."

Julian seemed to realize what he had said a second too late.  Both of them blushed, Julian taking his eyes off Emma and staring at his hands.  He started picking off little flecks of blue, grey, and green paint from his fingers.  He must have been painting the ocean earlier that evening, she thought.

"Um... thanks..." She didn't know what else to say.  Julian thought she was beautiful?  He had never commented on her appearance before.  He was probably just trying to be complimentary.  She decided to change the subject.

"Were you painting the ocean today?"

"Huh?  Oh, yeah," said Julian, looking up from his paint-stained fingers to Emma's face.  "Observant as always."

"Well, I was already thinking about it.  The ocean."  Her eyes clouded over.

"I thought it might keep you up tonight.  There's a full moon so the tides are stronger than usual."  There was concern etched into the lines of his face.  Just one look into those blue-green eyes was enough to let her know how much he wanted to protect her.  She loved this about Jules.  How deeply he cared for the ones he loved.  How he knew what would upset her before she even knew herself.

"Thanks," she whispered.  She reached out to take his hand in hers.  She felt herself relax as his elegant artist's fingers interlaced with her own.

"For what?"

"For being you, obviously."  Emma grinned at him in the moonlight, then closed her eyes.  It didn't take long for her to start drifting off.

"Thanks for being you, too, Emma." 

The whispered words were the last thing she heard, and she could have sworn she felt a soft pressure, the touch of lips against the back of her hand.

Emma fell asleep smiling, content for the moment just to be near the one person who mattered most in her world.