No Fury

Now: Thirty Four

Twice I show up carrying bread, under the guise of delivering it to Sir Douglas. The bread is taken from my hands, but both times I am turned away at the doors to the castle kitchens. The princess has requested a lavish meal to be served on her family's last night, and the room seems to be barely containing a storm of activity inside.

I cannot get in through the servant's entrance, either, for they have blocked it off to all but castle workers, due to heightened security while the King of Spain is visiting.

I do not know how I will get to Harry tonight.

He will have to wait, but - knowing Harry and how little he understands servant life - he will have no idea why.

I finish the day's work in the ale house, and return to the small quarters I share with Liam. My heart is a tangle of frayed thread, tripping over itself, rolling around beneath my breastbone.

Living life one drop at a time means I go thirsty nearly every other moment.

My husband warms bread as I dish up soup, and we eat in easy silence, broken only by his occasional question.

"Had a good day, then?"

I nod. "You?"

"Good enough." He bends, taking a bite of his dinner. Swallowing, he adds, "Helping Nicholas re-spoke the long wagon tomorrow."

"It's broken?" I ask, feigning interest.

"Aye," he nods, wiping his mouth. "Two nights past, his mare kicked as he was loading her and it's not running true."

I nod again, finishing my dinner and feeling his eyes on me.

"When will Mary wed Niall, then?"

"This fall?" I guess, trying to remember if I've heard more about it in the past weeks. "I believe that's what they decided."

Liam grins. "He is eager."

"Because he is one and twenty," I say, and we laugh.

Together, the sound is round as a bell, and warm. Liam's eyes turn to sweet crescents when he smiles, his mouth opens with every wide grin.

Even with this easy banter, my blood vibrates, and I feel guilt for wanting to flee, and panic at the thought that I won't be able to. Harry will be waiting for me, in vain.

"Catie?" Liam says quietly.

I look up at him. His brown eyes are soulful, searching mine.

"What is it, Liam?"

"I've thought to ask you . . ." he begins, blinking down to his bowl.

He pauses, and I gently urge him, "Go on then."

Deep brown eyes meet mine. "Had you lain with a man before me?"

And my heart explodes.

I swallow, gathering courage to be honest when he asks me to be. I do not know what my answer will mean for our marriage, but I suspect Liam already knows the answer, anyway. "Yes."

He nods, smiling a little. "I confess this puts my mind a' ease. I did no' come to you pure, either."

My body seems to deflate in relief. "I don't mind."

"Nor I." He studies me intently, and I make myself busy by clearing the table, washing out the bowls. I don't know why he has asked me this, and why tonight.

I feel Liam come up behind me. "I would go to war for this prince."

I freeze, confused. "Many would."

His body is a warm presence behind me, his hand comes up and moves my braid aside so he can kiss my neck. "Aye. He is a good man. I would be honored to fight for him."

I nod, heart in my throat.

"I'll take care a'you. I don't . . . I don't mind the circumstances, see." He pauses. "Forgive me for bein' forward, Catie. I just wanted you to know. He's a good man."

I look up at the wall in front of me, breath caught in my throat. "Liam."

His hands frame my hips and squeeze, silently telling me I don't need to answer.

Liam's mouth presses more firmly to my neck once more. "Come to bed, Catie."

I have a feeling the truth is out between us. Liam watches me undress, and climb into our bed. I'll not get out to see Harry tonight, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude and relief. Liam wants only that I treat him well. He is a good man, he is a good subject to his king.

He knows that I love the prince.

I am married to a friend. I can't ever love him the way I love Harry. But I will work to deserve him.

"You are my wife," he says quietly. "And I am lucky for it. You'll honor me here, then, in our home?"

Nodding, I tell him: "I promise."

Tonight when he takes me, I pull him close, arms around his shoulders as he moves. Reeling from it all, I close my eyes tight, struggling to find the echoing space in my own mind between betrayal and loyalty.

My heart is in the castle, wondering where I am.
My body is in this house, protected by Liam.