Diary ni Ashlee

Entry # 9. Reed's

I was slowly and quietly walking inside Ashlee's house, she didn't know that I am here right now. I felt like a jerk after leaving her inside that stake house's rest room. I knew that I should've never done that but I really felt angry at her for dating that jerk John Augutus. I was only gone for a month and when I came back, couple na sila? What the fuck is that?

I really don't know what I'm doing here right now. I knew that I shouldn't be here. Wala naman kaming relasyon. The thing that happened between us, three years ago that night iat Anca's wedding was a big mistake. Pagkakamali iyon, isang pagkakamali na iniwan ko nang magpunta ako sa America. I never thought I'll be back again, and when I came back, I thought of her. Pinuntahan ko siya that night to apologize for what happened to us three years ago. But when I saw her that night, my libido took over and I enedd up having sex with her. 

What I have with Ashlee was pure lust only. I know that I shouldn't be doing it with her, kaibigan niya ang ex ko, we have the same circle of friends and yet I couldn't seem to stop myself everytime I see her. It was like she had intoxicated me. By just merely looking at her, I feeel very different. And what happened kanina sa rest room, it was something that I didn't plan. Again it was a mistake. 

I told my brother about this relationship - sexual relationship I am having with Ashlee. Ang sabi niya sa akin:

"Di kaya mahal mo siya?" 

I laughed when I heard his conclusion. Nag-isip rin ako noon. I asked myself kung mahal ko ba si Ashlee, but then I was sure that I am not in love with her. I am very sure of that. 

I sighed. I was thinking about this kind of relationship we were having  ans I decided to finally stop whatever it is. Right now, my only purpose was to end this and ask for her forgiveness. Mali na kasi. I don't want to hurt Ashlee - even though I hate her so much, I still don't want to hate her. 

Dahan-dahan akong umakyat sa hagdan papunta sa silid niya. I was holding the extra key that she always hides under the pot outside the porch, iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nakapasok ako sa bahay na iyon. I reached the second floor and I saw that her door was slightly opened. I sighed. I looked at my watch, it's 2:30 in the morning, I wonder if she's still awake.

I stood by her door and held the door knob, itutulak ko na sana iyon when I heard her voice. She was talking to someone.

"Maroon 5?" She said. Hindi ko matiis na hindi sumilip. I found her - Ashlee - sitting on top of that asshole John habang masayang-masayang siya. They weren't doing anything, she was just comfortably sitting on top of him and that asshole was holding her waist. It was very intimate. 

"Yes, as in all the girls in my office like Adam Levine." 

"I like him too." Ashlee said. 

"Okay, so you can put him to our pass list." 

They were talking about pass lists? I cannot believe they're talking about people they can sleep with and not be guilty about it. 

"You are hotter than Adam Levine." Ashlee said. Natawa naman iyong John. 

"Baby, you're just saying tha cause I am your boyfriend."

"No. You're really hot. You're hotter than the sun." Humagikgik pa si Ashlee. Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya dinaluhong ng gagong iyon at inihiga sa kama, now that asshole John was on top of her. 

"Babydoll, you're so cute when you giggle like that..." 

"Hmn, you make me laugh..." 

John - the asshole, kissed Ashlee, and the fact that she kissed him back made me want to see red. After a while John stopped.