Take It Out On Me [Malum AU]

The Song

I know, my A/N's are annoying and get you excited for no reason, but you have absolutely no reason to be mad at me that this is not an update, since I've updated this quite a bit recently.

I'm going to tell you guys about the song Calum sang to Michael.

I wrote that song on August sixth, 2015. I had been listening to songs about cutting either earlier that day, or the day before or something. I can't remember. Anyway, it was recently. None of them really got to me, or made me feel anything, like I wanted them to, so I took matters into my own hands.

That song is of my story, minus a few things. For me, it did start when I was fourteen, and it did start on a Saturday night. "You took away my friends and gave me pain" does not apply to me, though I know it does to others, which is why I added it in there. I wrote this song to try and get to what cutting songs don't: the pain, and the consequences. And, cutting songs always just say not to cut, while mine explains that it is unrealistic to just stop. "You may stumble along the way, but as long as you're walking, that's okay." Also, I'm probably wrong on this, but I feel like a lot of the artists who write songs like that have never experienced cutting, and that they only know that it happens, or they know people who do it.

I didn't write it for it to be a romantic song Calum wrote for Michael, but, rather a truthful one. Also, I did not write this song for this book, or any book. I just thought it went well with this book.

I know I'm only fifteen, and I only wrote that song in a matter of hours, but I think it's pretty damn good, at least for what I was trying to say. I wanted people to know that they're not alone. They aren't the only people who cut, and cry themselves to sleep. Together, we can all get through this.

I hope the song helped you guys in some sort of way, and if you don't really understand all of it, here's the translation.

It started on a Saturday night, when I was just fourteen. I had barely even started my life, and I was sad, but thought that I could pull through. Then, I met a razor. I thought what I was doing was right, that it would help me, but I was wrong. The razor took away my friends and only left me with pain. I felt worthless, until I met my razor. I let it tell me what to do, I looked to it to tell me what to do. I gave up everything for it. My happiness, my life. Everything. So, I practically told it to tell me what to do, because I thought I needed it.

Help me, was what I said to it. My razor promised it would, and it cut me, drawing the red blood. Now I wear bracelets to cover my wrist, but why? If I think about it, my razor just makes me cut again. Though I am cut and scarred, and I lie to get through things that relate to my addiction, that doesn't mean I don't want to get better. I don't want a razor controlling me. Yet, I still ask it what I should do, but it doesn't have the hold on me, like it used to. As I grow stronger, I grow in control. No longer will it tell me what to do. I don't need it.

I know there are other sad people like me, who are criticized for who they are, what they wear, and what they like, and I know they cry themselves to sleep. I know they cut, too, and I want them to know that they're not alone, and if we come together and help each other, we can defeat this. The razor does not own me, it does not control me, I can end this. I dug this hole for myself, I know this is my fault, but I'll fix it, and I'll ignore your calls for me to come back to you.

I want everyone out there, who are like me, to know that they can defeat this. It may take some time, and you may relapse, but as long as you're on the road to getting better, that's okay. Please, for me, get better for yourself. My razor was no help.

Kayla (miss_lovatic) and I were talking about if I recorded the song and attached it to one of the future chapters. If I can record it with my cello (otherwise it would be me singing without any instruments) would you guys want to hear what it sounds like?

I hope you liked the song.