Restless {Zoe Sugg/youtuber short story}

1

'Thank you so much for coming, I really do appreciate it.' I assured my guest as she grabbed her coat from the hook nearest the door and slung it over her shoulder. She looked really pretty in a white dress with bright pink lips.

'Zoe, please call me if you need anything. I mean anything!' She took my small hands between her larger ones and gave them a squeeze. She looked straight into my eyes and I automatically felt comfort from her glare. She was such a naturally comforting, calming person.

'I will Louise.' I promised her, even though I knew I probably wouldn't. I barely had enough strength to pick up a phone, let alone actually call a number.

My 'fans' probably thought I was dead. I hadn't even logged into any of my social media sites in god knows how long. I'm surprised they haven't been knocking on my door, it's not like they don't have my address.

'It seems so hard I know, but you will be fine! My strong Zoe, you'll get over this.'

'Let's hope so.' I replied not even attempting to hide the sadness in my voice.

'Call me!' She almost demanded. I know she just wants the best for me but all I really want right now is to sit in my room with a tub of Ben and Jerry's and my Taylor Swift album on repeat. However, I had somewhat lost my appetite and didn't feel like listening to music, or doing anything else I used to enjoy.

I agreed for her to come over in attempt to cheer myself up but listening to her talk about what her, Matt and Darcy have been up to has just made me even more depressed. I knew she was just trying to take my mind of it, but when you are sitting alone in the burning depts of hell, nothing can distract you.

'Bye!' I waved her out before shutting my front door and heading straight to my bathroom. I had avoided the mirror for a week now and the reflection staring back at me has just made me realise why.

I hadn't slept since he left, I had barely eaten and I hadn't left my house. I'd barely moved from my dark bedroom, let alone brush my teeth or have a shower. I'm surprised Louise didn't hold her nose whilst she was sat next to me. She probably wanted to but just didn't come across as rude. Typical Louise, always keeping her real feelings hidden deep inside her with fear as to hurt or offend.

I looked even worse than I could imagined, my face was pale, a ghastly shade of white. The space under my eyes was nothing but dark. My usual blue glowing eyes just seemed so dull and lifeless. I was wearing a grey hoodie and a pair of leggings, the clothes I'd put on when I got in from my meeting on this day last week. I hadn't changed since then.

I looked as if I'd died 3 weeks before, I even felt like I'd died. The pain I was feeling was the only reassurance that I was still alive but I was starting to believe I was only imagining it. Surely nothing can hurt this much?

My head hurt, my back hurt, every single bone in my body hurt. I felt weak, dehydrated and exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. However, that could be a result of the lack of food, drink and sleep I was providing my body but I still blame him for putting me in this state. I will never stop blaming him, even if I somehow recover from this hell, I will always blame him.

I should of known our love was too good to be true. It was handed to me on a silver platter, I just didn't know the server was the devil. Because that's how the devil plays, right? He gives you everything you could ever dream of until you finally believe you are happy, then that second the joy enters, he snatches your happiness away from you. Everybody knows the devil is a he, it's men who cause all pain in this world. I may sound sexist but no woman could ever hurt me half as much as this man has.

I'd spent the last week lying in bed yet I'd barely had a seconds sleep. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw him with her. It should of been him with me. It always should of been me with him, the way it was in the beginning. Everything was perfect, oh so damn perfect.

I found out in the worst possible way, through somebody else. Gossip is like a cake that has just come out the oven, it smells so temptingly delicious but it will burn you unless you leave it to sit and let off steam.

That cheating, lying scumbag sent his best friend Marcus Butler over to tell me that he wouldn't be returning home, ever. I know what you're thinking, I should of suspected something when I came home and all his stuff had gone, except I barely noticed it was all gone until he was gone. I came in from my meeting that day thinking wow the hallway looks tidy instead of noticing that every pair of shoes he owned were no longer in their usual position on the shoe rack.

Marcus' words were like bullets piercing straight through my heart. He's gone, he's found somebody else, he's not coming back. I don't know how I'm still breathing after hearing that. I know Marcus wanted to sugarcoat it as much as possible but there is no nice way to shatter somebody's heart.

As if him just being a cheat isn't bad enough, it was my so called best friend he ran off with! Well Miss Tanya Burr, I hope you're happy now. And I hope she knows he has bad breath in the morning. I was too polite to ever mention it but let's see how you like the smell of dog poo in your face as soon as you wake up.

I just want to hang a sign over London bridge, Alfie Deyes is a fucking cheat, just so the whole world knows. He deserves to be exposed in the worst way possible. I am burning through a fiery hell whilst he is no doubt balls deep in my best friend right this fucking second. Please do excuse my language, I don't swear often, only when I find out my boyfriend is a cheat.

His YouTube name is PointlessBlog and it suits him. Everything about him is pointless. Pointless, irritating and selfish. He was nothing before me, just some socially awkward, overly hairy boy who made a twat of himself online. I made him into a god and he turned me to nothing, how twisted is that?

I left the bathroom after having a good look at myself, making sure I criticised every detail, and went downstairs. I couldn't stand one more second in that dark, empty bedroom that just had that smell that just instantly let you know that the girl who sleeps in that bedroom's boyfriend has just left her for someone else.

I sat down on my sofa that nobody had sat on since he left, until Louise arrived that is, and turned the TV on. I made sure I didn't sit on his side of the sofa, yes we had sides of the sofa, as I just wasn't quite ready for that pain yet.

I flicked through the channels trying to find something decent before realising Casablanca was on. Ah, my old time favourite. Another bullshit, love film which will make me feel even more depressed. I was guaranteed to spend the whole film thinking about Alfie but I just couldn't care less. At least I didn't have to spend the usual 45 minutes trying to pick between Friends and The Big Bang Theory. Then when I'd finally made a decision, both episodes would be over and it would be too late.

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.' I quoted along with Rick. I knew this movie too well. My mum and I would watch too much during my teenage years. I always loved it and was sure I'd one day have a man who would of done anything for me. We'd always have a special place together, just like the two of them would always have Paris.

It's just one of those films that suits every mood, well except my boyfriend has just left me because he's been screwing my best friend but I've found that nothing suits that mood. Not even spending a week straight in a dark room has cured me.

At first I was seeing Rick and Ilsa and then I was seeing darkness. I then saw Rick and Ilsa again, and then I saw darkness. My eyes were getting really heavy and suddenly before I knew it, everything was darkness.