I'm Dying To Live (Rewriting)

Chapter 8

Alex's POV

I didn't know what I was doing when I swung my legs over the bed and stood up with tears in my eyes. I didn't know I what I was doing when I walked down the stairs and out of the door, ignoring my mom's questioning. She wouldn't worry too much; she probably thought I was just going to hang with Jack. That would've been the last place I would've gone, but she didn't know that.

I soon felt the chill of the air sink into my bones as I walked aimlessly around the neighborhood and briefly wondered how Jack did it, prancing around in a thin tee and a hoodie and acting as if nothing could touch him. I could feel my bones literally freezing up, the joints tingling as they slowly but steadily got stiffer, and mentally cursed myself for forgetting a coat in my overwhelming sadness. Everyone complained about feeling numb in the cold but numb wasn't the right word; you could definitely feel it and it hurt a lot. It stung and ached at the same time, and physically drained. I was exhausted after just a few minutes.

I sat on a broken down wall, sighing and staring at my breath as it warped the air around it. I closed my eyes. I didn't know what I was doing, my initial and stupid thoughts were to walk around until hopefully I'd run into Jack but I knew that was a stupid idea and I probably wouldn't be in his presence until late tonight when he was cleaning the kitchen or something daft. And even then he wouldn't come and say hi to me, I knew he wouldn't because I'd given him a black eye and been a dick.

I refused to let the tears fall and bit my lip, pushing myself off the wall and walking slowly to Tay's house. I didn't even know why again, but I didn't know why I was fulfilling a lot of my actions recently. One thing I knew for sure though, was that if I wanted Jack back, Tay was my best bet, being the next closest friend to both of us and least likely to take sides. She always had that advice that wasn't sugar coated and mentioned the painfully true facts. She knew Jack almost as well as I did – which I must admit still wasn't very well, but it was better than anyone else.

I knocked on the door and wrapped my arms around myself, looking as vulnerable as I could for when Ms Jardine opened the door so she'd usher me into the warmth of their house as quickly as possible. I was gagging for warmth now, the cold was giving me a literal headache, my skull felt heavy and brittle like it was about to snap my neck if I didn't hold my head straight, and I wanted nothing more than to collapse onto something comfortable and close my eyes for a little bit.

"Hello?"

I looked up and saw Ms Jardine smiling at me from inside the hallway. She moved out of the way so I could step inside, taking the sight of me in.

"You're one of Tay's friends aren't you?" she said, more to herself than to me.

"Alex," I mumbled as a guide to refresh her memory.

She nodded and beamed at me. "Alex, that's it. Its freezing out there, where's your coat?"

"I forgot it," I said, shrugging and glancing at the wall behind her.

She nodded. "Well you can go ahead; they're upstairs in Tay's room." I thanked her, taking in her appearance one last time before making my way up the stairs. She looked exhausted, with dark circles under her eyes and dull eyes, but I guess that wasn't my business to poke my nose into. I knew nothing about her, for all I knew the reason behind that could be something as simple as insomnia.

Just before I got to Tay's bedroom door I realised that Ms Jardine had said 'they' and briefly wondered why she used a plural, but then I heard his voice, and I filled with both dread and adrenaline. My mind instantly started working on ways I could get around this. I could run in and pretend I never even noticed Jack being here until it was 'too late' and I'd poured out my side of the story so Jack could hear my thoughts without brushing me off. I could knock tentatively and get Tay to come out to me, and then hope that Jack was eavesdropping on our conversation from inside her room. Or I could eavesdrop on them right now, and then knock after I'd heard enough.