I'm Dying To Live (Rewriting)

Chapter 9

Alex's POV

My mom had left me at home, not deeming me well enough to join her and Dad at the restaurant since the first thing I'd done after stepping foot into the house was rushing to the toilet to be sick. I didn't know what had come over me, but after hearing Jack talk about our friendship made my head feel fuzzy and my stomach decided it couldn't handle having food in it. It's the fact that he dismissed the situation so quickly and without a second thought. He didn't want to explain it to Tay and so it must be bad, because he doesn't talk about negative things ever.

I had collapsed onto the sofa and turned on the TV, letting my tired eyes flicker over the adventure time cartoons and trying to distract myself. As exhausted as I was, I just couldn't sleep, so I settled for watching mind-numbing TV shows instead and was browsing the catch-up section of Sky TV after exhausting the Spongebob episodes. I was trying so hard to keep myself clean, and going merely one day with ripping my skin apart proved difficult for me but also an immense achievement.

The door opened suddenly and I briefly wondered why my parents were back so early when Jack burst in, tears streaming down his face, his eyes darting around frantically. There was a graze on his chin that looked fresh and the stitches on his forehead were coming loose and bleeding. The back of his ear was bleeding too and the blood was dripping down the side of his chin. He looked worse than I'd ever seen him; his hair had been badly in need of dying for a while, the roots showing clearly and for Jack, his hair was the most important part of his appearance. He looked exhausted too like he hadn't had a good sleep in weeks, his eyes dark and the skin around them abused and sagging. It was easier to spot when he was wearing contacts as the skin wasn't hidden as much by his big, black framed glasses.

He glimpsed me and cried out, rushing over to me and embracing me in a hug. Even though it was obvious that Jack needed this hug more than I did, it still felt good to hug him after a week of hostility and hatred.

"J-Jack, what's wrong?" I asked frowning and stroking his hair.

"It's Tay." He swallowed thickly and frowned, looking at me. "Are you okay?" he asked shakily.

"Please get on with your story Jay."

"I need to know how you're feeling first you know how it works."

I shrugged. "I'm okay I guess. Better now you're here."

He smiled at me gently through his tears. "That's good then." He took a deep breath. "I was with Tay today."

I nodded and refrained from saying I know.

"We were having a pillow fight and I saw a sheet of paper under the pillow I picked up," he said quietly, his frown deepening as he remembered.

I nodded again as a way of telling him to continue.

He nodded too. "They think she has Leukemia Lex. It was all about possible treatments and options and-" he let out a loud sob and pushed his hands into his eyes as if he was trying to stop the tears. "I'm so fucking scared Lex."

It felt like my heart had stopped working and I just turned to him with no words. I opened my mouth but closed it again straight after and stared at Jack desperately. He held my gaze with the same expression and his fingers drummed frantically on his knee before he started sobbing again. A few tears escaped my eyes and I bit my lip and just looked at him. He looked back at me. "I'm not made of glass you know," he managed to get out shooting me a weak grin.

I returned the half hearted smile and tugged on his shoulder, pulling him into me and cuddling up to him as he sobbed. I rubbed his back and frowned to myself. After all these years of knowing Jack, I'd never seen him so weak and that scared me. I'd seen him vulnerable, I'd seen him cry, I'd seen him upset but as he leaned on me, wiping his tears all over my t-shirt he looked as though he wouldn't even be able to get up and make it upstairs to my room. The sobs wracked his body so harshly it looked as though he was about to break apart in my arms.