Tokyo teddy bear

dreaming

age: 19

today she still dreams. she dreams and hopes and wishes for friends. she found her, a girl with green hair. she is very thankful for her and loves her with all her heart as if she were her blood sister. but, there is a problem, they live hundreds of miles away. she knows she feels deep pains and sorrows as well, and she wants to change that fact. it's a Monochrome world, because she can't take those pains away from her. if humans were teddy bears, and all that was needed to fix and heal others were cotton and stitching, then she would be more than happy to give her own parts to others. she would give her own cotton and stitching to heal them, even if it costed her life. and then some of her will always be with them. she would die happily, knowing she served her life's purpose: to help others heal and become happy. that's all she wants, happiness. to forget about the past, and to live in a good future. after all, isn't that everyone's dream? it's so simple, yet it seems almost impossible to achieve. it seems as if life itself is just one big nightmare, and the eternal darkness that we came from and will go to again is when we wake up. it is switched like that. is she crazy? does she overthink this? maybe so..... maybe so..... but that's only because she tries to find meaning in everything. things are never as they seem to be. everything is a symbol to her, and has multiple meanings. she tries to find the beauty in life. accepting pain...... trying to forget about the past..... only then may she begin to find hope. and hope leads to happiness. but today, she is still depressed and broken, a mangled teddy bear. possibly beyond being repaired, so that is why she wants to give up. she doesn't feel any hope for herself. she dreams and hopes and wishes for others hope and happiness for them. so, why did she write this story? she doesn't even know. she doesn't even know why she talks about herself in third person. but anyway, she has very deep thoughts. she is like the ocean, and you can dive however deep you want to, most people she's met has only dived shallowly. the further you go, the more you get to know about her..... to the deepest and darkest secrets and thoughts. she does feel less lonely when talking to her best friend, but even so, text and presence are two totally different things.

none of us can change our pasts. what's happened has happened and there's no going back. we can struggle with those thoughts and memories, but that only hurts us even more. you have to let them go..... be free..... only then can you try to find hope. and hope leads to happiness. my dear readers, whoever you are, i hope my story spoke to your heart somehow. and always remember: someone loves and cares about you. you may not think so, but it's true. live for them. yes, i battle suicidal thoughts too, but i am still alive. i live for her that i have spoken of. if not for Gumi, i would most certainly be dead by now. that is why i love and cherish her.

my dear readers, no matter what you are struggling through, i am sorry. and i hope you can heal. take some of my cotton and threads, take them and let me try to stitch you back together. i want to help others..... mainly because i don't even know how to help myself...... but i will still dream. and i will always continue to dream..... and hope..... and wish.....